October and Isaiah

Alright so I figured that I had better blog one last time before the end of October 2004 - isn't it weird? This day will never come again, neither will this hour or even this moment in time, hmmm, trying to remember to see the beauty of now and not letting the future overwhelm me. The future does tend to make my mind spin when I think ahead to how many exams and assignments I have, but I finally realized this morning as I was in church that I can just focus on the present. Like when I'm at church, I can be fully there and fully focused on what's going on at that moment and not letting the future stress me out - learning to live in the present moment, if I only life for the future or remembering the past, then I never truly live at all, I only hope to live.

Anyway, tomorrow is my anatomy lab midterm and if any of you out there pray, could you please pray that I would remember what I need to know? So I'll be dreaming of muscle origins, insertions and actions in my sleep tonight! Do any of you know what an acetabulum is? It's where your femur (thigh bone) forms a joint with your os coxae - if that means any sense! So that's your anatomy lesson for today!

By the way, just wanted to mention that Isaiah 44:12-20 is absolutely hilarious! Well maybe not in the ha ha sort of way, but it totally demonstrates critical thinking in the Bible, or rather lack of it on the blacksmith's part. There's this blacksmith that goes and cuts down a tree in the forest and uses half of the tree to roast his supper over. With the other half of the tree he carves out an idol and worships it, which is so crazy because he never stops to reflect that he just burned half of that tree for his supper - and now he' s worshipping the other half of it...obviously it's just a dead chunk of wood! He can not bring himself to ask "Is this thing, this idol that I'm holding in my hand, a lie?"

Wow, that totally made me think, what am I putting before God, what am I worshipping, or rather, what or who do my actions say that I worship? I can say that I worship God above all else, but really, where do I spend the most of my time and devotion? School, friends, doing good things...how passionate am I actually about developing my relationship with Jesus and spending time just getting to know Him and be in His Presence? Yeah, super good question I'd say - gotta go and think about that one now...hmmm, to spend my time on the things that last for eternity, in this world but not of it. What does that all look like in my life?

The Beauty

My Women's Studies class is very interesting...most people hate it and others tolerate it - I actually enjoy it. It makes me think critically and wow have I ever learned so many new things that I never knew before. Today we watched this movie from 1995 that was called Slim Hopes. It was all about how advertising has succeeded in making our culture obsessive about being thin. One fact that blew me away was that the number one wish of all adult women and teens surveyed was to change their weight.

So why is society like this? What is actually a healthy body devoid of any advertising influences? The movie said that only 5% of the population actually comes by the 'model' body naturally, and now they can create models via computers without even having a real human model present. Why do is our identity so centered on what we look like, why are our thoughts so consumed with the outward appearance?

I was asking myself why I wanted to be like that model, and I realized it was because she was beautiful, and why do I want to be beautiful? Isn't that the question that all women ask themselves - Am I beautiful? And I think it all relates to God and how He created us, if any of you have ever read Wild At Heart by John Eldridge, it talks about how God created women to be the beauty, whereas the question guys always ask is 'Am I a man.'

Am I beautiful - are you beautiful? In the eyes of God for sure, since He created you and I...but in our own eyes the response tends to be quite different. Beauty is fleeting...if it's only skin-deep anyway, eternal beauty, now that lasts forever!

Bubblegum

Do you ever wonder what exactly they put in bubblegum? I know they have the ingredients on the back, but I still wonder if there is such as a gum tree and if people can actually just take some gum out of the tree and chew it. When I was in grade 11 I had to do a powerpoint presentation, and I chose to do it on the history of gum, so really I should know all the answers to my own questions. Anyway, I went to Superstore yesterday and bought some Bubblicious gum, and then I started thinking, what if I would blow a really big bubble and then take it out of my mouth and freeze it...would the bubble shatter later on if I touched it when it was frozen?

Last year I was in a discipleship program called Master's Commission which was through the church, Calvary Temple, which is in downtown Winnipeg. Anyway, I lived in Charleswood with a lady last year, the people we lived with were called Home Openers and they let us live in their houses for free and also provided us with food. So Charleswood is quite a ways away from Calvary Temple, so I got to ride the bus many minutes and hours out of my day. I never thought I would miss riding the bus though, but today I saw one and all the memories came back.

And I realized that a bus, just as with the rest of life is all what I make of it, what my perspective is...and seemingly negative things can actually turn out to be the best things in life - on the bus I ended up meeting this lady who I talked to everyday, and she even did my hair and make-up for grad because she used to be a hairdresser. Yeah, and has anyone else ever noticed that people look a lot more scary when they're not talking and just kind of staring off into space?

Music and Women

I am learning so many new things in my Women's Studies class, things that I have never even thought of before. I have to watch a bunch of music videos for a group project and discuss how race, class, gender and sexuality are seen in the make-up of the videos. So now I see some of life in terms of the unequal power relation between men and women, I see patriarchy and its effects present in the music videos, the female diva singing and acting within this structure without seeming to notice she is caught in its trap.

So weird, I grew up in Winkler thinking all was pretty much ok with the world, only to realize how much I was sheltered from, which does not necessarily have to be a bad thing while growing up, since little kids are so easy to influence. But to live in total oblivion to issues the world is dealing with, on the verge of transition and redefining concepts and institutions that used to be so concrete and devoid of any challenge, like marriage...to live only seeing one side of things is something that I would never wish on anyone, only experiencing half of life.

Anyway, whether or not this made sense, I am finding out more and more that I have no idea who I am becoming or even who I was - but I sure am glad that I don't have to be in control of my own life because then it's like hello stress...I give it to you Jesus, this life is all for you anyway!

Raisens and early mornings

Well my roommate and I just finished making and eating some delicious oatmeal raisen cookies - actually, she wouldn't say they were that good since raisens aren't high on her list of favorite foods. For me, however, I totally enjoy baking super late at night, or early in the morning for that matter, like 2:30am...whatever works! Do any of you stay up late baking - it's my relaxer!

I am finally starting to realize how much I have been learning since I started University, even if I don't get into nursing next year, everything that I have already learned will have been worth it. The boxes that used to contain my thoughts about controversial topics and what the global world is have been burst open and now I am starting to see things in a different way, I guess this whole thing of learning how to think critically - I haven't really done much of that during my life. Yeah life is definitely a journey and I'm so glad that we're not expected to know everything all at once, that learning is a life-long process. And it's not even learning that's the main deal, it's the experience that goes along with it. A person can experience something so much more fully if they know something about it first, ex. you can experience and appreciate something found in a museum so much more if you know the story behind it.

Anyway, if any of you are taking women's studies - wow what a course to open up my thinking and understanding of the world as it really it. I guess I have grown up kind of sheltered in Winkler, for those of you who don't know about Winkler, it's a traditional Mennonite city that doesn't allow alcohol or dancing...which doesn't really matter that much I guess, all depends on who you are and what you want out of life. So keep it real and remember, don't despise the flowers because they are common.

New Distractions

ahhhh i sure do not have time to write in these blog things but my roomie jen (her blog is at www.genevievesplace.blogspot.com) and uh huh she set me up with this thing but i'm supposed to be doing my homework right now and she is trying to distract me...maybe i should just go and eat some cookie dough, that solves many things, or peanut butter...so i'll talk to you later, remember to see the beauty of now!