To Know Him

Spring!

2007-03-27T15:34:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm listening to the song called "Mighty to Save" by Hillsongs, it is so good! Lately I have been listening to Hillsongs all the time and playing them on piano also, I like to play piano during my study breaks! Anyway, it is so beautiful outside...I love walking to school in the sun, although I have yet to see a chipmunk, hopefully soon!

One thing I have been learning is how faithful and gracious God is, so merciful, I'm so glad that He does not treat us as we deserve, but that he extends grace to us and offers us love and salvation. Why do I ever worry? This year I started to do that about a month ago, because I was thinking of all my exams coming up and things with getting married, where we were going to live, was I going to get a good-paying job in summer to make enough money for school...so many things. And then I started reading in Phillipians again, chapter 4:6 says:

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything.

Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

So since a month ago, so many things have happened...I found out I got a better mark on my exam than I thought I was going to get, and I found out that I got a job at 3M again this summer, working with my sister Amanda, whom I love so much! We had so much fun last summer working together for two months after I got home from Africa...when we worked till 1am we would stay up and eat brownies and ice cream and just talk, such a blast...and this summer we get to do it all over again, and hopefully we'll be on the same rotation so we can always drive together!

And then I was trying to figure out where Marvin and I would live after we get married in August, and then one of my friends emailed me and said they were leaving for a year and we could possibly rent their apartmen while they are gone, so we're going to look at it today! I'm so excited, God is so good, why do I ever worry? Even Matthew 6:31-33 says:

"So don't worry about these things, saying,

'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?'

These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.

Seek the Kingdom of God avobe all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

God has proven Himself to me over and over again, if I seek first His kingdom he will give me everything that I need, for he already knows what I need...thank you Jesus! Oh yeah, and today my younger brother and I hung out and went out for lunch and made macademia nut cookies (such yummy dough) and played Super Mario on my laptop, definitely have not played that game in a long time, but I think I have improved since the last time, since now I last longer than 10 seconds! Good times!

I'm Engaged!!!

2007-02-01T17:56:00.000-08:00

So apparently I should have posted a long time ago already, because on January 20 Marvin asked me to marry him!!!! So exciting...and I guess I have been really busy since then with exams and clinical, but now I'm just so excited and I'm having a lot of fun planning and yeah, here's the story of how it all happened, even though I know most of you have already heard it!

The Story...
My mom had given Marvin the keys for my house in Winnipeg, so he snuck into my house in the morning at 7:30am and then he set everything up and woke me up at 9am. He said that I should wear something fancy and then he came in all dressed up also. Then he gave me this journal with lots of writing in it, and in the beginning it was talking about how we were going to go on a journey...

So then I walked out of my room and down the stairs and in the kitchen, living room and basement there were candles, and beside each candle there was a picture, pictures starting from when we first started dating till now. Each picture had a journal page written about it and the meaning of the picture...

The trail of candles led me to an empty room in the basement, and there was a cd player with Hillsongs playing and there were two chairs and a blanket, and also a big poster of the verses found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (because earlier in the week I had told him how much I liked those verses, and now they just fit right in!) and then after I had looked at the poster I turned around and then Marvin got on one knee and asked me to marry him and I said yes! Oh yeah, and then he gave me a foot massage because I really like those! And then he made me such a yummy lunch of bacon, eggs, hashbrowns and toast and milkshakes!

And I have a beautiful ring, too bad I don't have a webcam or else I would show you all a picture! So we don't really know that much about the wedding yet, but it will probably be sometime at the beginning of August. Well now I should go and study for my exam that I have next week Monday, hopefully I can somehow stay motivated for school! God bless you!

Christmas time!

2006-12-28T18:16:00.000-08:00

Well it's probably about time that I wrote another post, there is really no excuse for me not to write, since I've been enjoying Christmas holidays for at least a week and a half already! My Christmas has been so good, gatherings and yummy food...one day I decided to experiment with some Christmas baking, so I made turtles, raspberry almond shortbread, gumdrop cookies, and magic cookie bars. Then I looked at the clock and realized that three hours had passed already and that Marvin would be at my house in one hour because I was going to make him supper for our Christmas thing together! So then I had to shift into fast-mode and got everything finished at the last minute, which is something I have a tendency to do and something that I should stop doing!

Anyway, my favorite gift that I have gotten so far this year was from Marvin...when I was in Africa this past summer I worked with a pastor for about five weeks and his youngest daughter was not able to go to the Christian school that his other two daughters were going to because he and his wife did not have enough money to pay for her schooling, and so now Marvin and I are going to sponsor her! I'm so excited, ever since I heard that this pastor did not have enough money to send his youngest daughter to school I have wanted to sponsor her, I just didn't think I had enough money because all of it is going towards school, but now Marvin and I can do it together - yeah!

And my second favorite gift was a globe, I've always wanted a globe. When I was younger we had this huge map hanging on our wall and I always liked looking at it and choosing places that I would like to go to someday. So now I have a globe and when I'm distracted from studying then I can just look at my globe and dream of the places that I could go someday, and then also, I can learn where all of these countries actually are in the world, because where I think places are in my head is sometimes quite different from where they are actually located in the world - so hilarious! Merry Christmas to you all!

No homework!

2006-11-02T17:06:00.000-08:00

Ok so it's about time that I posted, yeah life has a way of becoming really busy and then somehow I forget about writing in my blog...how to make life less bush? I guess it's hard in school, but even when school is finished, people always tell me that it only gets to be more busy, but I would love to avoid that if I could.

So clinical today was interesting, I'm learning a lot about IV medications and interesting medical conditions, I actually really like working at Children's hospital, but I realized that maybe I would want to work in palliative care or something like that where it's more focused on comfort care, like providing pain medication and talking with the patient and family a lot, knowing that the patient will eventually die and nothing more is being done to treat them aggressively and to cure them.

Right now the floor I'm on is an acute medicine floor, and I am learning a lot and probably I would enjoy it also (when I feel like I know more what I'm doing), but I also really like to talk with people and spend time with them...right now all I feel like I do is go into the patient's room and take their vital signs and give meds and then rush out and go to the next patient...when I would really love to just sit there and talk with them. And I actually did that today with my patient's grandmother and with my other patient who is a teenager, so that was a lot of fun, but I want more of that!

Anyway, I was reading something interesting in 1 Timothy 2:9, where it talks about how women should be modest and not draw attention to themselves by the way they do their hair or wearing gold pearls or wearing expensive clothes, and how they should learn quietly and submissively, not teaching men or having authority over them. I have heard many interpretations of this passage, but in my footnotes it was saying that to understand these verses we must understand the situation in which Paul (Paul is the author of 1 Timothy) and Timothy worked.

In first-century Jewish culture women were not allowed to study. So when Paul said that women should "learn quietly and submissively," he was offering them an amazing new opportunity to learn God's Word. They were to listen and learn quietly referred to an attitude of quietness, but not total silence. In addition, Paul acknowledges that women publicly prayed and prophesied (1 Corinthians 11:5). Paul also did not forbid women from ever teaching, Paul's commended co-worker, Priscilla, taught Apollos, the great preacher (Acts 18:24-26) and there were others who held positions of responsibility in the church, like Phoebe (Romans 16:1), Mary, Tryphena, Tryphosa and Persis were the Lord's workers (Romans 16:6, 12), as were euodia and Syntyche Philippians 4:2).

Paul might have not wanted the Ephesian women to teach because they did not yet have enough experience or knowledge, and the Ephesian church also had a particular problem with false teachers. So basically, Paul was telling Timothy not to put anyone into a position of leadership who was not yet mature in the faith. Yeah, so I just thought that was really interesting...most of what I just wrote was from my footnotes in the New Living Translation Bible.

And so I have no homework today, and by that I mean, no homework that's due for tomorrow, although there is always homework that I could be doing! But oh well, enjoy the snow and make sure to smile at the chipmunks!

Grains of Sand

2006-09-19T15:09:00.000-07:00

So apparently there was one more thing that I needed to do before I started my mountain of homework, and that is to write in my blog! Yeah I really should do it more often, but hey...did you know that in Psalm 139:17-18 it says:

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

They cannot be numbered!

I can't even count them;

They outnumber the grains of sand!

I thought those verses were awesome when I read them the other day and they still haven't stopped going around in my mind...just imagine, the God who created the universe and everything that we can see and all of outer space and everything that could ever exist also created you and me and He thinks about me and you all the time and is just waiting for me to stop for even just one minute and glance at Him and spend time with Him, even just to chat for a while or tell Him all about how I just can't seem to focus on my homework and how I tend to get overwhelmed when I think about how much I have to study for because of my exam on Monday...and yet He waits for me and listens and doesn't condemn me for procrastinating, rather He gives me strength to keep on going and helps me to focus on studying and encourages me with His love and His presence...because He really is here beside me all the time, just so often I don't realize it or don't stop to let Him into my life.

And His thoughts toward me outnumber the grains of sand, that's a whole lot of thoughts! Wow, I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine...that's You Jesus! Who else but your beloved would think about you so much that their thoughts towards you would outnumber the grains of sand?!

Drumming?!

2006-09-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

So apparently I now know a little bit about how to drum, which I love so much! When I was at Rock Lake last week, I got to work with Eva (like Jakob and Eva) and that was so much fun...we did praise and worship together, so she would play piano and sing, and I would sing along with her. At first I totally didn't think that I knew how to sing harmony or anything, but then Eva started teaching me some stuff and then I would pray and ask God to help me with the harmony stuff, and then I would sometimes hear harmonies in my head and then I could sing harmony with her!

It was a lot of fun, I want to learn so much more...and then one day we realized that we didn't have a drummer anymore, so then I'm like ok, I'll try to drum because I took it in band during grades 5-8, except that our school didn't have an actual drum set, so I would just play the snare and bass drum separtely. Anyway, I knew the basic beat on the drum set, so I just started playing it and making stuff up, and it went ok, thank you Jesus! It was so much fun, I discovered that I really enjoy playing the drums a lot...so now Marvin and I are going to go looking for drum sets that aren't too expensive...so if any of you know of a used drum set for sale, just let me know!

And so this last week I have been organizing all of my Africa pictures and writing on the backs of them all, a very long process! But now it's all finished, and so next week it's off to school and homework, yikes!

Reflections of Africa

2006-08-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

This is an article thing that I had to write for my church newsletter, I figured it would give you a pretty good idea of a little bit of my African experience...

Africa is a place that I have wanted to go to for as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a young child, I can remember being very excited when I found out that a missionary was going to come and speak in our church. I would watch the slide show of the pictures of some far away place and then I would dream of the time when I could go and be a missionary myself. As I have grown up however, I have realized that I do not automatically become a missionary just by landing on foreign soil; I first have to be a missionary right where I am. For who I am and how I act and live my life here in my hometown is the same way I am going to act and live my life when I am in a different country. And so I have tried to live my life in such a way that Jesus would be evident through my actions and words, regardless of where I am in the world.
I do not know why Africa in particular was always on my heart; all I know is that my heart would start to beat more quickly whenever anyone would talk about missions or when I would hear the drums that reminded me of African music. God however had a plan for the dreams that were on my heart, and during my first year of nursing at the University of Manitoba I met a friend who also had the desire to go to Africa on missions. We talked about it for a year and then this year during May and June our dreams became a reality as we landed in Zambia, Africa for two months. I do not really know what I was expecting in Africa, probably a lot more wild animals and more huts, but then again, I was not able to go into the real rural bush area of Africa, where many people live in huts and farm.

We were able to minister in Kitwe, Zambia, which is a city of 65,000 orphans. Some households are run by children no older than 15 years of age and many families only have one parent, either the mother or father has died because of HIV/AIDS. Everyone in Kitwe is affected by HIV/AIDS, if one particular person does not have the illness, then either someone in their family or someone who is close to that person will. I can remember walking down the dusty streets (a street in a poor community is just a dirt / sand walkway) and I could see so many people outside or at home during the middle of the day, not really working at a job that would make them money to live on, but just sitting around. I wondered what these people did all day, and how they were able to buy enough food to survive. The truth is that many of them do not make enough to survive.

Malnutrition is one of the main killers, since food is also a medicine. Anti-retral viral medication is a medication that has greatly improved and prolonged the lives of those who suffer with HIV/AIDS, and is now provided for free by the government to those who suffer with HIV/AIDS. This medication, however, is very hard on the stomach, especially when the people do not have any food to take with the medication. So they often will die of malnutrition and starvation. People with HIV/AIDS are often very weak and tired so they are not able to work as much as they did before they contracted the illness. This means that their family may now have to rely on other families or relatives for food, an option that is not always very reliable. Some of the women try to start a little business from their home by selling charcoal on the street or selling some food. Often they will make just enough to buy food for one meal for their family per day.

Many times I asked myself why there is so much poverty in Africa and why so many people there are starving. I know there is a lot of aid that is sent over from Canada and other developed countries, but one of the pastors was telling me that the Africans have gotten used to hand-outs and so some of them are actually just lazy. There are many however, who are able and willing to work, but there are few job opportunities. I think that many of the people lack the capital and funds to start their own business, and so they are not able to get ahead very easily in life. I was talking with one of the pastors in Twatasha, which is a poor community near Kitwe, and he was saying that the people need to be empowered. One of the ways to empower the people would be for someone to come with enough capital to start businesses, and then hire the Africans to work for them. Then at least some more job opportunities would be created. As it is now, many people rely on piece works, which are odd jobs, to make enough money for one day, never sure if they will find work the next day or not. Many times I was just overwhelmed at how hopeless it seemed, because there are so many people who have virtually nothing. And yet the amazing thing is that they are the most friendly people I have ever met in my life and also very giving. If one person in the family gets a little bit of food, they will share it with everyone in the family and with other people as well.

While in Kitwe I was able to work with a pastor in Twatasha for three weeks. We visited people with HIV/AIDS, prayed for them, encouraged them and listened to their stories. There were ten people that we would visit on a weekly basis, and all of them said that they did not know about HIV before they contracted the illness. It was only after being diagnosed with HIV that they learned about the disease and how it works and how it is spread. Many of these people contracted HIV around the year 2000. There is a lot of HIV/AIDS education in the schools now, so the youth and children are learning about it from a young age. My friend and I were also able to teach about HIV/AIDS to the youth of the community and also played soccer with them.

For my last three weeks in Africa, I was also able to work at Beautiful Gate ministries, which is part of the mercy ministries of Youth With A Mission. I taught grade 4 and 5 for about 1 week. Many of the schools for orphans and vulnerable have very few school supplies; a child would maybe have one little notebook and a pencil. I was surprised at how much the children could learn with so few supplies and books.

One of the highlights of my trip was working with the street children in Kitwe. There are so many children living on the streets, many of them are orphaned and have nowhere else to live, or they have chosen this life because they are able to beg and get more food than they would get at home. Some street children do not look like they live on the streets because they bathe everyday by a water pump, while others are quite dirty and have many infected wounds because they do not clean themselves. The children often sleep together for warmth, which also encourages the spread of infectious skin diseases. I was able to take my first aid kit to the streets and I started cleaning and bandaging the wounds of the street children. There is a clinic downtown that is supposed to be free for the street children, but many of the staff are corrupt and take the supplies for themselves and their families. Many times they only help the street children if they feel like it, and will assist a street child only if that child is escorted by an adult who is not a street child. So, maybe when I am finished my nursing degree I will be able to go and start or work in a clinic for street children…wherever God leads!

Another thing that I started to learn about was spiritual warfare. I have learned a bit about spiritual warfare while in Canada, but I have definitely not seen it practiced as much as I did in Africa. There are many witch doctors in the villages and quite a few of the people go to these traditional healers for aid when they are ill. There is still so much I want to learn about spiritual warfare and casting out demons, but I was able to learn some things from people who practiced this in Kitwe.

So, my dream of going to Africa was realized a lot sooner than I ever thought it would be. I would love to go back and live with the people and love them and tell them about Jesus and actually help them to become self-sustaining. I definitely learned the meaning of the quote that says, to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
I was also challenged by a picture that God gave me during the pastor’s conference that we helped out with. I saw this African grandma who was sitting in the doorway of her hut and she was reaching out her hand towards me, saying, “Do not pass me by.” It was an image that definitely stuck with me throughout my entire time in Africa. Every time I was tempted to pass by someone or ignore a beggar or street child, I would think of this picture that God gave me. In a way the street children are like the lepers, they are the untouchables that people ignore and brush aside; they are like the forgotten children having to fend for themselves.
Once the African children have lived on the streets for a few years, they often do not want to leave the streets because that has become their home and family - the life that they know and are comfortable with. I would like to develop some kind of program where the children on the streets can still live there if they choose to, but that there would be a type of job where they can work for their money and food, some occupation other than stealing or begging.

Some of the HIV positive ladies do not have a lot of energy to work, but they are able to make some money by making AIDS pins. I have brought about three hundred of these pins over from Africa. If you are interested in receiving a pin and making a donation that would go towards assisting HIV positive people and also those living with AIDS, just let me know!

Rock Lake

2006-08-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

Wow the summer sure feels like it has flown by to me...not quite that excited for school and homework yet, well I could probably be excited to start learning interesting stuff about the body and how to give intravenous needles, but homework - nah! So anyway, this has been one summer where I sure have learned a little bit more about trusting God. First I had to trust that He would provide all the money I needed to go to Africa, and then I had to trust that I would have a job for the summer where I would only be working for two months. So I thought I had a job at the group home for special needs adults, where I have also worked for the past two summers. Then I come home from Africa and find out that actually I wouldn't be getting as many hours at the group home as I thought I would be getting.

So then my sister tells me that she just got a job at a factory that makes heart monitoring electrodes for in the hospital and that I should apply there too. So I did, and then next day I had an interview (this was all about two days after arriving home from Africa) and then I started working at this factory and also at the group home at the same time. So I was like, wow, I'm actually going to be making some money for school this summer, and then this past Monday my factory job calls me and tells me that tomorrow, which is Friday, is going to be my last day at work because they have to lay off all of their summer students (there's only three of us) because they have to do cost reductions and save money...

So then I'm like oh dear, what am I going to do now? Because I had already told the group home they could take me off their schedule and so I had no hours there...and then I found out that Rock Lake was having youth week this next week and they needed a recreation director, so I'm going to go there for the week and make up games for the youth to play, and one of my friends is going to go with me! I'm so excited! And my boyfriend, Marvin, is also going to take the week off work to come and be a counsellor because they didn't have any guy counsellors, so that will be so much fun, and my brother is going to be a camper there and yeah, I love Rock Lake so much!

It's kind of funny, because on the day that I got laid off, I had been thinking all about Rock Lake and how much I had enjoyed being staff there and then on that day I find out that I can actually go there after all, God sure does work in unexpected ways, I never would have guessed that in order to go to camp I would first have to get laid off from my job! But still God is good and keeps teaching me in ways that I would never expect!

I'm back from Africa!

2006-06-26T14:38:00.000-07:00

Well I sure have not posted in a very long time! I actually tried to write a new entry while I was in Africa, but the computers out there have the tendency to be quite and slow and not such a big fan of letting me upload my posts to my blog...so here's the first post since Africa!

Yeah, Africa was amazing. I learned so much and I definitely did not want to come and would love to go back. I really wish that I was finished school already so that I could go back and work with the people. It definitely gives me more motivation to finish my nursing and to really study hard, because I have seen how much the people in Kitwe, Zambia need medical help - especially those who are too poor to go to the hospital.

I worked in a community school for orphans and vulnerable children, teaching them English and reading with them. I was also able to work at Beautiful Gate ministries in Kitwe, where I taught the grade 4 and 5 students English, math, social studies and science...it was really fun! The kids also really like learning songs, so I had to try and remember all of the little kid songs that I've learned at camp and teach them to the kids! Romans 16:19 was definitely a favorite!

Then I also got to work with a pastor in a poor community, visiting the HIV positive people and encouraging them and praying with them, bringing them food if we had the resources. My friend and I would also teach about HIV and AIDS to the teenagers of the community and played soccer with them. I was also able to work with the street kids in Kitwe, which was actually one of my favorite ministries. There was this one street kid whose foot got run over by a car, and so he had a wound on his baby toe.

There is this street kids clinic that is supposed to be free for the street kids, but really they only get help if the nurses feel like helping them that day, and the medical supplies that are meant to be for the street kids get used by the staff and their families. So anyway, I would go into town with my first aid kit and then I would bandage this guy's foot for him, and would try and talk with him, except that he was usually high on "sticker," which is petrol mixed with other stuff and the kids sniff it to forget their hunger and cold (because it's winter right now in Africa). So after about 2 or 3 times of me bandaging his wound, he finally came alive. He shook my hand and smiled at me (two things he had never done before because he was always out of it and high on sticker) and then he came and played soccer with us and really participated, and it was just so amazing to watch him come alive. I think it really helped that we actually cared for him and he could feel that we actually loved him with a pure love, like with the love of Jesus. Wow, that was definitely the highlight of my trip!

It was interesting though, because on my way home my luggage got stolen when I was coming on the bus from Kitwe to Lusaka. And the funny thing was that it was all of my African souvinours that got stolen and not even my Canadian clothes! And then my luggage somehow did not make it onto the plane and so now it's somewhere in London or something like that...so I came home with just my carry-on luggage! Oh well, it was still an awesome trip and I was healthy (except for one day) and totally protected and safe, thanks to all of you who were praying for me!

Feeding sheep

2006-04-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

Wow my church was amazing today, I definitely need to make some changes in my life that's for sure! Our pastor was talking about one of the life expressions of our church, which is that we are passionately committed to the missional enterprise of the church. He was mentioning that this does not mean that we can allow mission boards and other committees to departmentalize the Great Commission in we allow them to do the work of the Great Commission and we can just sit back and hope that someone else will tell others about Jesus Christ because maybe I don't feel like I have the gift of evangelism or that I'm not called to be this and that....but really mission boards and other committees are there to facilitate our getting involved in missions and the Great Commission - whether we're called to go some other country or whether we haven't felt that call and so our mission field is the community we live in or the job we have or the school we go to.

I was so challenged in that our pastor was asking if people know me as a student or a nurse, or if they know that I am a student or nurse who's main passion in life is to see others come to Jesus Christ, whose goal is to disciple people who don't yet have a relationship with Christ until they do. He was saying that so often we sit around and talk about Jesus with other Christians and talk in depth about what God is teaching us and how He is leading us, and that's important too, to build up fellow Christians, but that what Jesus was calling the disciples to do in Matthew 28:16-20 was to go out and make disciples of all nations, which means people who have not yet come to know Jesus as their Saviour and Lord.

God has called me to impact the world in which I live, to actually go and talk to people and tell them about how much Jesus loves them - why do I find this so hard to do? Sometimes I make excuses for myself and say that they can see it in how I live, but I sometimes I need to actually speak the words from my mouth and just tell people about the greatest thing that could ever happen to them. I have been going to school this past year, and if I see the same people day after day and they don't know Jesus, and if I never even tell them about Christ...yeah I don't even want to think about what that could mean.

The Jesus movement would have died in the New Testament if the disciples would have just stayed comfortable in their own circles and encouraged and built each other up; if they would not have preached the Word to others, it would not have spread in the same way it did. And so I need to daily move out of my comfort zone and realize what Jesus did for me on the cross and out of that understanding and relationhsip with Jesus, knowing that my life is not my own and living in the grace that I have received in Christ, I need to move out and take a hold of the strength and boldness and power that is mine in Christ Jesus and to work with Him to further His kingdom and to love people with His love.

Do I passionately love Jesus? Then just as Jesus said to Peter in John 21:15-17, I must go and feed His sheep, I must tell people about Jesus....for if I just sit back with all this teaching in my head and knowledge about Jesus that I've received from church, I become over-fed and stay in my comfort zone (just like at Christmas time when you eat so much and then don't feel like doing anything). Are there any spiritual avalances being started around me in the same way they were when Peter and the other disciples went out and told people about Jesus, even if they were persecuted? Why do some church members die before leading someone to the Lord? I want to be constantly aware of what Jesus has called me to do, to impact my world for Him. Do I passionately love Jesus?

Jeremiah

2006-03-14T07:40:00.000-08:00

Have you ever read Jeremiah? I know that I have once when I was younger, but then I used to read my Bible just to see how much of it I could finish and I didn't actually always stop to actually think about what I was reading or how it applied to my life. Recently I've been reading a lot in Luke and Mark, lots of New Testament stuff, but then I thought of Jeremiah for some reason, and wow, so good! I have this Bible that gives an introduction to Jeremiah, and what I read there has stuck out in my head for a whole week already!

In the introduction, it talks about success and what my or my society's definition of success might be. It would be related to achieving goals and acquiring wealth, favor, prestige and power. Generally I would think that successful people enjoy the good life, are financially and emotionally secure, they are leaders, opinion makers and trend setters, their accomplishments are noticed. They know who they are and where they are going, are confident in meeting their goals (this is from the New Living Translation).

When measuring up to these standards, however, Jeremiah would have not been considered a success. He was a prophet for 40 years to Judah, but nobody listened, he was not rich and was thrown into prison, was rejected by his neighbors and family. He stood alone declaring the messages God had told him to say - and he was super successful in God's eyes because he was obedient and faithful to what God had called him to do.

That really stood out to me, that he was successful in God's eyes because he was faithful and obedient to what God had called him to do. So often I do measure people by what the world says that success is, and so often I don't even realize that I have taken the values of my society and made them my own; instead of going to the Bible and making those truths my own and living out of my relationship with Jesus. Oh Lord would you give me eyes to see the world as you do, break my heart with what breaks your heart and may I be faithful and obedient to what you have called me to do.

Jeremiah 1:6-10:

"Oh Sovereign Lord," I said, "I can't speak for you! I'm too young!"

The Lord replied, "Don't say, 'I'm too young,' for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don't be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and will protect you. I, the Lord have spoken!" Then the Lord reached out and touched my mouth and said,

"Look, I have put my words in your mouth!

Today I appoint you to stand up

against nations and kingdoms.

Some you must uproot and tear down,

destroy and overthrow.

Others you must build up

and plant."

Worship

2006-03-06T16:00:00.000-08:00

Well now, let me just say that I am so excited to go to Africa with my friend Andrea in exactly 45 days...and a thank you Jesus that I am able to stay for the last three weeks at Beautiful Gate ministries in Kitwe. This is such an answer to prayer, as Andrea leaves Africa after five weeks, so I am there without her for three weeks, but now I have somewhere to go! My friend Jody from Winkler worked at Beautiful Gate for the past year and a half, so I've heard a bit of how I would be able to serve there. It is a ministry to the children of very poor families, I would be able to help out in a school, visit the families of the children to see what their needs are, and also do evangelism to the street children!

Anyway, something that really challenged me this last weekend was what my pastor was saying on Sunday...about how my culture, tradition and our relationship with Jesus can be in conflict because I am essentially trying to please all three. I am trying to respect my culture, my Mennonite background and also my relationship with Jesus. When I worship Jesus, however, how confident am I to come before Him and worship Him with free and open expression? Am I more concerned about what people, my culture, think about me than I am about what God thinks of me? I was challenged with the thought that nothing is static about Jesus, to stand still is to fall behind. Am I confident in who I am in Christ to make new advances in my relationship with God, to press through the expectations of my cultural norms and Mennonite traditions and to obey Jesus in who He is calling me to be and how He is asking me to worship Him? I need to start approaching God in the way He has made me and not in the way someone else thinks that I am.

In Hebrews 10:22 it says that we can draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith...this is like an invitation to approach God and express myself to Him in ways that I have never done before....free and open expression in confidence before Him. I want to be a follower of Jesus Christ, not a victim of society and cultural norms or traditions; I want to advance and occupy new territory for Jesus Christ...beginning by developing my personal relationship with Jesus. That's where it all needs to start. With personal repentence, to dynamically worship God and not to stand still. May we worship with hearts that long to be filled by Him alone.

AFRICA!!!

2006-02-20T15:05:00.000-08:00

Well for anyone who does not yet know, I am so super excited to go do missions in Africa for two months this summer! I'm going with one of my friends from nursing and yeah, I would definitely say that it has been a dream of mine to be a missionary in Africa since I was a little kid...something that I have always wanted to do before I die - and now we get to go! It still seems kind of like a dream, but I am asking all of you who talk with Jesus to please pray for me and my friend as we are in Africa - for safety, health and that....hey why don't you just read my letter that I've written to tell people all about what we're doing....

Hi there,
My name is Rachael Hildebrand and I am a second year nursing student at the University of Manitoba.

For as long as I can remember, I have had the dream of being a missionary to Africa; to go as a doctor or nurse, live with people who are not able to afford medical service, and tell the people about Jesus.

As I grew up however, I realized that landing on foreign soil does not automatically make me a missionary. I first need to be a missionary wherever I am and through whatever I am doing as it says in 1 Corinthians 10:31b, “Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” Therefore in my day-to-day life, I have been trying to put this into practice; praying for opportunities to love people and tell them about Jesus in my classes at school, with the people who sit next to me on the bus, and also to encourage people who already know Jesus in their relationship with Him. I have come to realize that I can do so much here in my own community and in the inner city of Winnipeg, a ministry that is also on my heart. Even so, I still dream of going to Africa to experience a culture that is different from mine, to be challenged, and to serve the people.

During my first year of University, I met someone who was also in the nursing program and had the same desire to serve God in Africa. We have presently made plans to leave for Kitwe, Zambia on April 20 and I will be there for two months. We will be staying with a missionary couple who are the directors at a Bible school and run a feeding program for AIDS children at a school in the Village of Hope. We will be helping with the feeding program and possibly running a Daily Vacation Bible School since most of the people speak English. Both of us will be health care aides after completing this year of nursing, so we will also be able to help out in a health care clinic in Kitwe.

I am asking that you would pray for us while we are in Kitwe - prayers for our safety, for health, that we would be able to connect with the people there, that we would share Jesus with them through our words and actions. Also please pray that as we step out of our comfort zone, we would rely on God in all situations.

I also ask that you would consider supporting me financially as I take this step of faith, trusting that God is able to supply all my needs according to His glorious riches that are in Christ Jesus. If you do feel led to support me, please send the donation to my home address. Since I am not affiliated with one particular organization, you will not receive a tax-deductible receipt for your donation. Thank you for your prayers and may His blessings and peace rest upon you.

In His love,
Rachael Hildebrand

Well that's my letter...if any of you would like to support me financially, you can just email me at beautiful_feet7@hotmail.com. But more than financial support, I am asking for your prayers, for it is the foundation of our trip and of everything we do in the name of Jesus Christ. I read a neat quote about prayer one time by Gerald and Ruth Nygren:

Missionaries need intercessors more than admirers.

They need prayers more than donors.

They live and work in the enemy's territory and become

The special object of satan's attack.

Support your missionaries by praying for them.

Thanks for praying!

Surrender

2006-02-09T13:14:00.000-08:00

So interesting times have been happening in my life recently - I sure have been learning how to trust in God and totally just surrender my entire life to Him....surrendering definitely means that I have less to worry and think about because hey, it's not my life after all! And I' ve been realizing that everything I have in my life is on loan to me by God, for instance, I've been talking lately with some people in my class who are from cultures where if someone compliments you on your shirt, they will offer to give their shirt to you just because you like it; the same culture where they say my house is your house.

Anyway, I have been so challenged by the thought that the clothes and all the material possessions I have, even my family, is all given to me by God, and I can use these things like clothes and possessions in my life, but I have to be willing to give them up to God at any time He has need of them. Take my clothes for example, how often do I think of giving my clothes to someone when they tell me that they like my new shirt? Yup sure not very much a part of the mindset that I have grown up with, but maybe it could become like that, for after all, that seems more closely related to the kind of teaching Jesus taught when it comes to giving to people...but yikes, my lab is starting pretty soon - intramuscular injections here I come!

Thoughts of New Year's

2006-01-02T15:02:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow is the first day back to school for me - honestly I'm not too excited about this, but one thing that I have learned at an amazing church service on New Year's Day was that I am a friend as well as a servant of the King and that as such, I have given up my rights to myself and have died to myself so that He might become greater and I might become less (John 3:30). And so the moment I wake up in the morning I should not be asking myself, "How do I feel about this day or what do I want to do today," but rather I should be asking God what He says I should do with my day....basically allowing God to have control of my life - such an easy thing to write and talk about, but for me so much harder to put into practice without trying to take back that control as soon as a situation arises where I feel that I have the strength to do it on my own and where I do not really feel the need, or even remember to ask Jesus what He says I should do about a certain situation, or what His opinions about certain parts of my life would be.

As well, I was challenged by the pastor's response to this question....sometimes people come and ask how they can know if they are really living for God - and the pastor always responds by asking if the world likes them or hates them - for the world and the religious leaders of the time sure did not particularly love Jesus at all, in fact they were the ones who plotted his death. And for me that is such a challenge because I'm not always a big fan of offending people and it is not very often where I feel extremely bold in expressing my faith - although this is sure something that I am going to work on in my life....the world hated Jesus, so if I claim to be His follower, why should or why does the world seem to like me? Power to change...

Learning

2005-11-26T21:31:00.000-08:00

Allright, so this was such a good week compared to last week...wow - clinical was so good and now I decided that I really actually like nursing, and changing dressings and giving meds - yeah when I feel like I know a little bit of what I am doing, then it is a good thing. So crazy though, how quickly emotions can change, and how much I base what I feel on my circumstances instead of on what Jesus says about me and my situation, which is eternal and never changes - I guess that's why our relationship with God is based on faith instead of feelings huh?! Yes, may we live by believing even though we have not seen Him, for He is faithful and will not give us more than we can bear - hmmm, learning how to rely on His strength and not my own, yeah I tend to think I can do many things on my own strength - like control my life and do nursing, but really all I have learned is that I am nothing without Him and that life just really does not go well if I don't make Jesus a part of it.

I went to 725 at Springs tonight for the first time in my life, and was reminded that to become passionate about Jesus and living a life that is not slumbering spiritually I need to get so much more into the Word - like actually reading more than a few verses before I go to sleep (which is sometimes what I tend to do late at night) and yeah, I've noticed that the more I read my Bible, the more I realize that I need it; but if I don't read it very often, I often don't even really miss it that much...oh how I need You Jesus in every area of my life, to keep talking to you throughout my day and to know Your voice and Your Presence daily - would you give me the eyes to see the opportunities you give me everyday - to love those who no one else loves and to actually put You first in my life.

Letters on Hearts

2005-11-19T09:16:00.000-08:00

So I sure have not written here in a very long time - life has a way of going to fast for me sometimes, right now it feels like my life is flying by in front of me and I can't seem to catch up, where has all the time gone - it seems like school just started a while ago and yet it seems like I have already been here forever. I guess I just don't want to miss out on this time in my life by being too busy with all my homework - although it seems like that's exactly what is happening. When I get to the end of my nursing years, will it all have been worth it, will I actually be where I want to be?

The challenge for me right now is to keep Jesus in the center of my life even when I feel so crazy busy with all my homework - and then it feels like I have no time for Him. But when I realize that I'm doing all this for Him in the first place, it takes all the pressure off me to succeed and then I can rest in the fact that He is looking out for me and He will prepare the way before me, I just need to walk in the path he has placed before me and to take the opportunities He gives me everyday to love people with His love.

I read Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost for His Hightest," and he always talks about how the real life of Jesus is lived out in everyday life when it seems mundane, and not always just in the times of inspiration when you feel all on fire and passionate about God - although those are good times too - but my life and relationship with Jesus needs to be evident even in the times when I don't feel like I'm impacting anyone for Jesus or in the times when all I seem to do is homework and I'm just longing to do ministry and missions - but I need to realize that as Matthew 25:31-46 says, when I love the least of these, I love Him...when I take the time to actually listen to someone because they are depressed or just need to talk, I am listening to Him, when I care for someone in the hospital even though they're really smelly or something, I am caring for Him. Hmmm, yeah that's good, I need to learn how to see Jesus in everyone, maybe that's how I'll get through nursing, live every moment with the awareness that Jesus is right there beside me to give me the strength and courage to keep on going - look to Him, for He alone is worthy.

I was also reading in 2 Corinthians 3:1-6, where Paul talks about how some people need to bring letters of recommendation with them, but that Paul's letter of recommendation is seen in the lives of the people he has told about Jesus, not a letter written with pen on paper, but a letter written on human hearts with the Spirit of the living God. So neat! May your hearts be a letter that the Holy Spirit is continually writing on as you are changed to be more like Jesus everyday!

Kitten

2005-09-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

It's Friday and I am going back home to Winkler to take pictures of the leaves and to dream about hiking in the Pembina Hills and to just enjoy being alive in this season. Yeah I finally got to go walking and studying in my park again and yes I did see a chipmunk, which made me smile. Actually I did watch Ice Age the other weekend, which is all about the chipmunk and wow did I ever laugh! Well my nursing lab is about to start and apparently we're going to be videotaped on how we interview our 'client.' It's where we have to sit in this room that it exactly like a clinic room and then we assess our client and take their vital signs like blood pressure and use the Otoscope to look up their nose....which by the way I signed out this weekend and I'll be looking up everyone's noses in my family - hip hip horray for new toys!! Well the clock somehow seems to keep on ticking and I must not be late for lab or else...dun dun dun, oh and we have a kitten living in our house and the only name I can call him is Kitten, his real name is actually Chance but everytime I try to say his name it comes out as Kitten, oh he's so cute! And he definitely likes to look in my mirror and chew up my books and highlighters as well! Ok off to class I go...

Times with Lori

2005-08-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

So I sit here in the nursing computer lab with Lori laughing beside me at the simple fact that I haven't blogged since June 19 and also at the fact that we're supposed to be at an orientation and there's this lady in the front of the class who is supposedly telling us everything we'll ever need to know about the library and looking up books for research papers and here we are giggling and whispering and she keeps looking at us as if we're doing something wrong...yeah well. Now she's talking again so I should probably listen eh?!

And now for a comment from my sponsor, the lovely Lori-lu, "Ah yes, she is actually unavailable for comments right now, it seems that her mouth has been taped shut by someone or something...

Ok so now onto bigger and better things...nursing! I should go and actually listen to my orientation right now, so maybe more writing will come later, or in two months or so!

I'm Done!

2005-06-19T09:20:00.000-07:00

So now I am officially done all school for the summer! Yeah so good, I just finished my final exam yesterday, so now maybe I can have a life apart from school and work for two months! But it sure is only because of Jesus and his strength that I ever got through this whole last year and these last two months of doing summer school - learning how to trust him and not worry about marks and money for school....uh huh, and this morning there was even a thunder and lightening storm, oh so good, I really do enjoy those!

And today I get to go to Rock Lake and for the first time this year, so that means that we might be finding some mice in our trailer after winter...yes those little furry guys sure are interesting. Rock Lake is a Christian Enrichment Family Camp, and it's so amazing - they have different speakers coming every week during the summer, and wow have I ever learned so much about God from that place - yup there have been many times where my box of how I understand Jesus and relationship with him has been made bigger and wider, as I've experienced and seen and learned so many things there that I never have before. Yes Jesus, thank you for Rock Lake.

And so today I plan on swimming and reading and sleeping, three things I haven't done in far too long of a time. So enjoy that sunshine and kill those misquitos~

Chocolate Chip Cookies!!

2005-05-27T11:53:00.000-07:00

Ok so I'm baking cookies while I am supposed to be studying - yup that means that I am definitely studying very hard. So my Statistics midterm is on Tuesday and I basically have today till 5pm and Sunday to study, since I'm working all of the other days. For those of you who don't know yet, I'm working at Canadian Tire full time now as a cashier, and I'm actually starting to like it more now than I did at the beginning - maybe I'm just starting to know some things and not just have to ask questions all the time!

But yeah, today I went to the dentist - I actually like going to my dentist because I always get the same dental hygenist - for like three years in a row now - and we always talk about life and stuff...yeah and plus I get to have fluoride in my mouth, which is very exciting now that I know what it does! Apparantely in my microbiology class I learned that fluoride treatments change the ph of the enamel on your teeth so that the bacteria that cause cavities are not able to stick to your teeth so easily and then it's harder for them to cause cavities...which they do by secreting lactic acid (or some sort of acid!) onto your teeth! Anyway, that's enough microbiology for one day, maybe tomorrow I'll think of something else that I learned throughout this year at school.

Ok so my beeper is going for my cookies now, so I should go and do something about that...but I sure am learning that life is a lot about my attitude and what I make of the circumstances that I find myself in. I always keep thinking of Paul in the Bible and how he had learned the secret of being content in every circumstance, and how he didn't let his outside circumstances determine or change who he was inside because he was stable and content in who God had made him to be...yeah so even when I'm at work and not really enjoying it sometimes I am learning that if I choose to see past my circumstances and focus on Jesus or just on loving people and actually start thanking God for what I have in my life instead of complaining about it in my head, then my day is so much better! But yeah, still working on that one, not always the easiest thing to do, that's for sure! All righteo those cookies of mine need to come out of that oven now...oh so good, chocolate chips!

It's Raining!

2005-05-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

So I woke up to the thunder and wow did that ever make me smile! I love thunder storms, even more so when there is some zig-zag lightening involved! Yeah so I was thinking of going puddle jumping and maybe collecting some worms so that I can go fishing yet one day - just joking, actually I have never fished with worms before, but maybe one day!

This last week was so hard for me because all of the jobs that I thought I had kind of ended up falling through, and then I had to decide whether or not to do my summer course and so I was slightly a little stressed out, well maybe not really stressed, but I sure had a lot to think about. And then one day at 4am all of my posters that I have in this collage decided to fall down and wake me up, which of course meant that I couldn't fall asleep anymore, and ended up thinking more...and then I remembered something that Pastor Mark from Church of the Rock had said last week - he wasn't really even talking about this specifically, but sometimes the Holy Spirit teaches me things through the pastor's words that speak specifically to something I'm going through in my life, and no one else really hears that message but I do - ever had that experience before? Yeah well the message I got was that God sees the big picture and I don't - something I have heard many times before, but yeah I forget things and so now I'm finally realizing that God can see the big picture of my life.

And I sure don't have to worry or think about how I don't really have a job (actually one starts next week, but if only has a few hours) and yeah, now I'm realizing that He's really looking out for me because at this point in my life I couldn't be working crazy amounts of hours and still be spending as much time on my summer course as I would want to - so why do I ever worry? Yup once again, what a good question, sure does not help anything at all - thank you Jesus that you see every detail of my life and you know what I need even before I do.

Summer courses...

2005-05-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

Yikes what am I doing to myself, do I really want to take a summer course? That is the question of the day, to take Stats now or next year during the evening when there is only a limited space available because of the crazy nursing scheduled courses...hmmm, well I guess I start today, and the rides are all planned so it appears that I am going. Oh well, it will probably be good once I get out to the University, I guess I haven't done math in a while - my plan is to do all of my homework while lying on my trampoline in the back when the sun is shining and get a tan while falling asleep on my textbook - yeah!

But this summer has taught me so much already, even though I have only been home for three days yet - my final exam was last Wednesday and then I went to Camp Arnes from Thursday till Saturday, because one of my friends from Master's Commission has been on staff there for the past year - oh it was amazing, I would love to work there, always outside...and we rode horses (oh yes and I learned how to post while trotting...well kind of learned!) and did you know that pools have vacuum cleaners - I sure didn't, but I learned how to do that too! Anyway, unpacking has been interesting, I'm learning how to throw things away, and to realize that if I don't do something now, like go through that box, I'll have to do it later anyway, so I might as well just do it now.

And then so crazy, because on Sunday our pastor in church talked about exactly what I have been reading about in my Bible all of last week - like in Matthew 6:25-34 where it talks about not worrying, and how there is no amount of worry that can add to your life at all! Yes I have been thinking a bit (or more than a bit) about how I'm going to make all the money for school that I want to make this year, and I know God is asking me to trust Him...like seriously it's crazy, the birds do what He has created them to do, eat worms and build nests and God takes care of them, the lilies of the field are so beautiful, and consider the grass, how it complements everything around it - perfect. And it's my heavenly Father who cares for these things, not the birds heavenly Father - they don't have one. So how much more will my heavenly Father care for me, His child? Yes and so why do I worry? Hmmm...time to consider the birds and flowers and to get my focus off of myself and to think about His creation and other people, yes this life consists of more than just me and my thoughts and problems, Jesus would you give me your eyes to see out of, may my thoughts not just be looking inward but outward as well.

Rain!

2005-04-25T12:42:00.000-07:00

So I decided that I finally had enough time to write an entry into this blog - actually I did try and write some entries last week, but my computer decided that it didn't really want to allow me into my blog, and so my thoughts just had to stay in my head. Oh well, now I'm here! And yes, it is most definitely raining outside but I decided that I could go studying anyway, and now my papers are all lying out on the table to dry! So five exams done with and only one more to go, wow am I ever excited! Oh yes, the other day I saw this chipmunk sitting on a tree branch and he decided to start eating a nut and I got to watch the shell come flying off of it and then he started eating it and I just stood there and stared at him, so funny to watch!

Anyway, I was reading in Romans 11 the other day and I read something that I've never really thought of before...vs.11 talks about how his purpose was to make salvation available to the Gentiles, and then the Jews would be jealous and want it for themselves. And then vs.17 says that some of the branches from Abraham's tree, some of the Jews, have been broken off. And the Gentiles, who were branches from a wild olive tree, have been grafted in. So now the Gentiles can also receive the blessing God has promised Abraham and his children....which is really neat, but the part in verse 24 really caught my attention when it says that God was willing to take us (Gentiles) who were by nature branches from a wild olive tree and graft us into his own good tree - a very unusual thing to do. Then I read Romans 12:1-2 after this and wow it changed the way I read it, because God grafting us in is such an usual thing to do, like taking a wild branch and bringing it into a well manicured tree, and then in Romans 12 it talks about giving our bodies as living and holy sacrifices...for when we think of what he has done for us, is this too much to ask? Yeah I just thought that was so true, after thinking of all God has done for me, like grafting me into his own tree, is it really too much of him to ask me to give him my body as a living sacrifice?

Onions!

2005-04-06T20:53:00.000-07:00

All righteo, so tonight our homegroup went to Union Gospel Mission to help serve the meal and to chop up all of these onions and fruit, actually chopping up food is quite fun, especially if you have people to sing with you while you're doing it! So I have been inspired by Marcia to start writing in my blog a little bit more often, guess I've been doing other things lately...like walking in my park!

So here's the story about my park...two days ago I went walking and found out that it was slightly flooded, which ended up in my shoes getting really wet! Then yesterday I was smart and wore my rubber boots which decided to give me blisters - I guess they weren't made to be worn for long periods of time! And so I got to splash through puddles and squish through the mud - oh it sure made me laugh out loud so many times! Yup, my chipmunks are back - they were really playing tag a lot today, and chattering at me of course, scolding me just in case I might even think of stealing their peanuts!

But anyway, thank you so much Jesus for this amazing weather, you are so good...I was just reminded of this quote from Blessed Child by Bill Bright and Ted Dekker:

"The greatest differency between present-day Christianity, and that of which we read in these letters (of the New Testament), is that to us it is primarily a performance; to them it was real experience. We are apt to reduce the Christian religion to a code or, at best, a rule of heart and life. Perhaps if we believed what they believed, we could achieve what they achieved." (Actually that quote was by JB Phillips in his introduction to his New Testament translation).

Hmm, that has definitely been true of me, I sometimes read the stories of the miracles that Jesus and his disciples did while viewing them only as stories, the meaning of what they are actually doing doesn't always sink into my heart...but I want to much more than a religious code, rules for life, I want to believe what they believed - wow, they actually saw Jesus and heard him speak, but I have his words right here in front of me and His Spirit inside of me:

John 14:12 says "The truth is, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father."

So yeah, to remember that a changed heart is just as much of a miracle as seeing someone healed of a physical disease or ailment...Jesus would you teach me about what it really means to believe in you, to let you outside of the box that contains my present understanding of you - I want so much more, have your way in me...whatever that means (yikes that's a scary prayer)!

My park has flooded!

2005-04-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

So my park is now under water - I was walking up the bikepath and was about to go down the hill when I realized that there is now a river flowing over my path and yikes, that is some muddy water! Then I had to get creative and make my own paths all over these hills where the dogs are allowed to run without their leashes on...oh to be a dog and not care if my feet (or paws) are getting wet from the soggy ground...but thank you Jesus that I can still walk through half of the park, it's not all flooded. It's kind of crazy, because without my park I really do not know how I would study at all...and today there were many chipmunks who decided they should scold me, just in case I might think about stealing all of their peanuts!

And yes, I've been reading in Romans 6-8 lately and there's this little sequence thing that formed in my head...so the law no longer holds me in its power because I died to its power when I died with Christ on the cross (Rom.7:4). But then I find out that sin took advantage of this law and aroused all kinds of forbidden desires within me...and if there were no law, sin would not have that power (Rom.7:8). So then I realize that the law is good, but the trouble is with me, since I am sold into slavery with sin as my master. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't (Rom.7:18). But then I realize that there is no condemnation for me if I belong to Christ Jesus, for the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed me through Christ Jesus from the power of sin that leads to death (Rom 8:1-2)! And so I have no obligation whatsoever to do what my sinful nature urges me to do, for if I keep following it, I will perish; but if through the power of the Holy Spirit I turn from my sinful nature and its evil deeds, I will live (Rom. 8:12-13)! That is so exciting - thank you so much Jesus that I can live in your freedom!

Easter buns!

2005-03-26T19:28:00.000-08:00

Ok so today my dad was being really creative and found out a way to make easter buns into bizmarks - you know, those donuts with pudding in the middle. Originally I was going to cut open the easter bun and put lemon pudding in the middle and then put the top half back on (with icing on the top half, of course!) and then my dad comes up with this brillian idea of making a hole in the bun and then putting pudding in that way - oh it was so good! Yup he sure is creative, he used to make us these amazing birthday cakes when we were younger, I remember once my brother got a cake with snowmobiles on it (the snowmobiles were all made out of cake)! And then there was the time when he decided to surprise someone at work - so he made a birthday cake to look like a pool, except that there was actually a water balloon under all that yummy looking icing, and when his co-worker cut into the cake - oh wow, look at the spray of water! I think he was chased around the store with the cake knife after that!

Anyway, good Easter times, yesterday during church I was reminded of the fact that Jesus never asked us to understand all the pain He went through, but to remember His death and all that He has done for us. I had never really thought of that before, usually I would just try to imagine the pain and try to understand it - even though there is no way my human mind could possible understand what He went through when the Father turned his back on him. But to remember, yes Jesus, I will remember you and all that you have done for me. Thank you so much for your gift of life and for freedom, please help me to live in what you have already purchased for me, and to not go back to who I was and how I lived before I met you...

Haggai

2005-03-13T08:35:00.000-08:00

Ok so I really have not written in a very long time...oh well, I guess that's what happens when I have many exams that never seem to end - it's almost summer! That is one exciting thought, but then I was remembering that I still need to see the beauty of today, I still need to live in the present and enjoy today, since that is what I have been given. After all, if I just live dreaming about the future or longing for the past, then I never live in the present, and then I'm not really living. So thank you Jesus so much for this day that I have been given, please help me to make the most of it and enjoy it - yeah to take each day as it comes and not get stressed out about all the exams that are coming up next week...because when my exams are done and I look back on the days that I just lived through, I don't want to think oh wow those were such a waste, but now that my exams are over I can really start living - no I want to really start living now, in the middle of my exams and getting stressed out - learning to go to Jesus and let Him give me rest.

Yeah and I was reading in Genesis 21:19 where it says, "Then God opened Hagar's eyes, and she saw a well." This is at the time in Hagar's life when Abraham had sent her and her son Ishmael into the wilderness. Hagar did not have any water left to give Ishmael, so she had put him under a tree while she walked further away, since she did not want to watch him die of dehydration. And that's when God opened her eyes and she saw a well - I thought that was so crazy! The well could have been there the whole time and she could have just been walking around, oblivious to the very thing that brought renewed life to her and her son. So then I was thinking, what do I not see as I live my life everyday, is there something that I am looking for that is actually right there in front of me and I just don't see it? Jesus would you please open up my eyes to see the world the way you see it - I want to be your hands and feet.

Face to Face

2005-03-01T18:20:00.000-08:00

So today as I was walking around the park and just thinking, once again, about Britt...I started wondering what it's like up there in heaven - I bet she's having a blast! And then I started wondering what the point of life here on earth is (a question that I keep coming back to when emotional events like this happen that make me question what my purpose is, events that make me realize what life is all about in the first place). My answer led me back to God, as it always does. For He is the reason I am on this earth right now at this time during history and that reason is to know Him and be in relationship with Him...to learn how to love as He does and to tell others about this awesome love relationship that they can have with Jesus. And He reminded me that right now Britt, Jordan and Jamie do know Him, they know Him so much more intimately now than they ever have before in their lives - they know Him face to face! Wow that's an awesome thought. And one day I too, will know Him face to face...

Oh Jesus I pray that through this many people would come to know you and even if they do already know you, that this situation would cause them to question the frailty of life and to really make you their first love. I pray that you would draw people to yourself through this and that your name would be glorified in everything that happens - may we be able to celebrate their lives and to cherish the lives of those still around us. Jesus would you lead us in the way everlasting.

1 Corinthians 13:12
Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.

Brittany

2005-02-28T16:06:00.000-08:00

Today as I was walking in the park someone asked me if I was memorizing lines as I was walking...and yesterday my friend died. It was such a huge shock to me - my roomie told me about it as I was sitting on my exercise ball, and yeah, I almost didn't believe her at first. So for the whole day I was kind of quiet, but mostly I was convincing myself that it wasn't really Brittany who had died because the paper this morning said that it was three people all in their mid-twenties, and I knew that she was only nineteen - I guess the paper was wrong.

Brittany was definitely one of my best friends from grades 5 to 7, we hung out together a lot because she only lived one bay over from me. I remember how unfair I used to think it was when my parents used to make me come home at 8:00pm from playing at her house, but she could stay out till 9:00pm! We used to buile snow forts and tunnels in winter, and walk to a from school together across the field. She was the first person to introduce me to email when we would email with her cousin Laurel. Oh yeah, and we always used to play this computer called Treasure Mountain (or whatever it was called) - that's probably the only computer game that I don't die in after 5 seconds!

In summer we would eat her mom's sorrel leaves from the garden and make boats out of milk cartons to sail down the ditches. And then we would have these massive collections of those sparkly rocks from the railroad tracks (which my mom used to secretly throw out!). I used to watch the Jetsons with her on our many sleepovers...which also included hot-tubbing! Brittany and Meagan and I used to practice skipping and all of our skipping partner tricks for hours, just hoping to make it onto the skipping team - eventually we all made it. I used to twist my ankle a lot during those times, so her family would eat supper with me downstairs since climbing stairs was hard then...and there was the time that Britt and I decided we should make up some menus and serve her family supper. We even walked around with these tea-towels around our arms like the professionals - but I think we ended up serving them soggy noodles!

And then there was the time we decided to make up a neighborhood newspaper and deliver it to everyone on her bay. I wrote the stories (which were continued from week to week) and she drew the pictures (amazing artist) and made up the games...we even bought chocolate bars for the prizes! Oh yeah, Britt, Megs and I also made up a newspaper for our school - which lasted for all of one issue, but we got to photocopy one copy for every family represented in the entire school - so exciting! We used to play kick the can in the dark, and drew with sidewalk chalk for hours on her driveway...as well as played Mennonite Madness at her birthday parties!

I can still remember her phone number and the color of her eyes...she came to Rock Lake with me once and we were so excited because we had walkie-talkies - so we both took separate pathways in the bush and made up these stories about hearing a bear in the bush and how we were going to get away from it and rescue each other...she was amazing at math, I used to wish that when our teacher changed the seating plan in grade 5 that I would be able to sit next to her because then I would get all the answers right! During grade 5 we also started band, and I remember we were both going to play french horn so that we could sit next to each other - but then the school didn't have any more for me to rent, so I ended up playing drums and she played french horn...

On one of our sleepovers we were reading our Bibles and then we had this conversation about how we decided which book in the Bible we were going to read - and that time she had decided to just open it up and whichever book she opened it up to, that was the one she was going to read at that time...I think it was Jeremiah. Oh yeah, our cat also had kittens one time and then she Britt got one of our kittens (for her birthday I think) and she named him Smokey...

So those are my memories right now, I sure did not get a whole lot of studying done today as I was walking in the park...she was someone who definitely influenced my life when I was younger, someone I had so much fun with! So why? Well the only answer I've found so far is...

Isaiah 57:1-2:
The righteous pass away; the godly often die before their time. And no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come. For the godly who die will rest in peace.

Worry? Naa...

2005-02-25T18:23:00.000-08:00

So I had originally written this blog early in the morning after my Human Growth and Development exam was over...but then all of a sudden the computer that I was on decided that it would like to clear the screen I was working on - and then there was only a blank page and my class started after that, so now I shall write!

Wow a most interesting day I have already had...bought a U of M backpack on sale and then found out that the zipper of one of the small pockets didn't work, so then I returned it...went to Archives (the used bookstore) and found out that all of the textbooks I brought there earlier this year actually sold - Praise the Lord for that one! And then I went walking in the park and me this lady who used to be a professor at the U of M for a whole whackload of years, and now she retired! It's really neat, kind of like my other family in a way - because I sure do see some of the same people over and over again, and it only takes about a week or two of seeing someone consistently to decide that they're safe enough to talk to...or something like that anyway! Yeah, I guess the fact that I read while I'm walking does move many people to curiosity...and that's how it all starts! I guess it would be pretty funny though, like if I saw someone reading as they walk...!

Yesterday I was talking to one of my friends on the phone and what she said really made me think. She is giving up this really high paying job in the summer to go and work at a minimum wage job...and I asked her if it was kind of like a sacrifice to be giving up all that money and she said no, that God will provide for everything that she needs - which is so totally true, but so often I start thinking about how much I need to make in summer in order to continue going to University in the fall...really though, all I have to do is trust God because after all, he owns all the money in the world eh?! So here's to worry free living - thank you Jesus!

Star Light, Star Bright

2005-02-12T11:27:00.000-08:00

Yeah I'm finally at home and now I can write again! So the last two weeks were filled with exams and studying and walking in the park for me. But I did hear the birds, that was one exciting thing - and then Jen my roommate took me out for my birthday to Montana's; they made me wear this funky hat with these big horns (I'm sure some of you have had the joy of this experience as well!) and then I had to stand on this chair in the middle of the restaurant and they of course had to get the attention of the entire restaurant...oh such a traumatic experience. No actually it was quite fun actually, and then yesterday I got to go glow bowling with my family from 10:30pm till midnight - oh so much fun, but no turkey for me! In bowling language, a turkey means three strikes...but one day it shall happen! Anyway, thanks to all those of you who made my day special - and I also realized something about myself, I totally don't like telling people it's my birthday, like if they don't know, I'll usually just leave it that way...going to figure out why that is now...

Oh yeah, I started reading in Psalms again, and wow I have not been there for far too long! There's this super neat verse in Psalm 104:2 where it says that God stretches out the starry curtain of the heavens, and I had read somewhere that the stars allow pieces of God's glory to shine through - and now I found the verse for it! So neat, that the stars are the curtain for heaven't glory, I sure do like those stars - and isn't is so neat that God has a name for all of them?! Well then, to wish upon a star is to wish upon heaven's glory, and since it is Jesus that makes heaven glorious in the first place...hmm yeah, time to go for a walk now!

Just to Be

2005-02-03T16:21:00.000-08:00

So today I was walking around in my park and I actually walked around for one whole round without doing any studying! I had just come from my Native Studies exam and I had all this information in my head and I was not in the propler mood for studying...so I got to walk and talk with God - it was so good! And then He was reminding me that I do not do this often enough, like just walk and be with Him, yup, just to be. That's something that I sure had to learn again today, just to be His child and to stop my brain from always studying, to relax in Him. Such a good place to be.

Onto my funny story of the day...so there we all were in our Native studies class waiting for our exam to start, when all of a sudden over the speakers comes this voice talking all about anatomy and the nervous system; dendrites and axons and cell bodies - oh how I do enjoy that stuff! And so he just doesn't stop, and we're supposed to be writing our exam in silence! It was so funny, but my prof finally figured out how to turn his voice off, we still have no idea where he was really coming from.

And then today in the park there was this man with a cigar walking his big brown dog, and he asks me if I am birdwatching! Oh did that make me laugh, so I'm like nope, I'm just studying. Then there was this other guy walking a little dog and he asked me how I walked everyday without tripping over my feet...because he said whenever he sees me I'm always reading! So once again, I explained how I study best when I'm walking! Yeah, reminded me once again of how people notice my life and my actions even when I'm not aware of it. So thank you so much Jesus for parks and that I have legs so that I can walk - and yes, thank you too that I can go to University, I'm actually learning so much! Have a great day and remember to say hello to all those chipmunks you meet today - or people!

Racing a chipmunk!

2005-02-01T17:09:00.000-08:00

So I was reading John 9 today, where it talks about the blind man whom Jesus healed my putting mud on his eyes and telling him to go and wash in the pool of Siloam - which I found out means 'Sent.' Anyway, in verse 3 it ways that this man was born blind so that the power of God could be seen in him. I thought that was so neat, since often I would look at blindness and see it as something bad, usually not even thinking of this as something that could bring glory to God. So he gets healed and then the Pharisees ask him over and over again how he got healed, they just couldn't believe that Jesus had the power to do this, mostly that He is the Messiah.

So they end up throwing the now healed man out of the synagogue because he claims that Jesus must be the Son of God in order to be able to heal. I was just amazed at this man, the boldness he displayed in his life all because he had become convinced of who Jesus really is...which made me wonder if I have that same boldness in my life. So the blind man became convinced of Jesus after he was healed, he had a very real personal encounter with Christ. And once this happens, life can never be the same - I too, have had a personal encounter with Jesus, but does my life always show that? Am I constantly aware of His presence and what Jesus has done for me on the cross? Yeah, definitely learning to see God and live for Him in every aspect of life, no matter how small or mundane.

And so yesterday I was walking and what I saw just made me laugh out loud. There were these three chipmunks, and one of them decided it would be a good idea to have a race with me. So off goes this chipmunk, running from tree to tree and just looking me every now and then...he was running at the same speed as I was walking - until he stopped, that is. And so I won, all because he decided to stop and sniff the snow, maybe go exploring for some of those lovely nuts they enjoy so much. Yes, that was my laugh of the day!

Chipmunk season!

2005-01-24T21:15:00.000-08:00

Wow it's been such a long time since I've written in this here blog...yeah it seems like I've been saying that in the past few blogs as well - oh well, I can finally walk outside again so I'm definitely enjoyint that. I actually saw 2 of those little chipmunks today, the first one drew attention to himself by shaking some snow off of the tree and then I sure did see him even though he tried to run away really fast! Hmm, the life seen through a chipmunk's eyes must be pretty interesting, like I wonder what their priorities are...finding nuts, keeping them away from other chipmunks, chasing other chipmunks, scolding the people who would dare walk through their park...like me!

Anyway I was reading in Genesis 22 where Abraham's obedience was tested, and in verse 18 it says, "and through your descendants, all the nations of the earth will be blessed - all because you have obeyed me." That is so huge, what if he hadn't obeyed God, would there have even been the nation of Israel? Yikes, totally makes me want to obey God right when I know He' s asking me to do something...can you imagine? An entire nation was blessed and continues to be even now, all because of Abraham's obedience to God. So what could happen in my life, if we continuously obeyed God no matter what the cost? I would love to find out!

Back home again

2005-01-18T13:10:00.000-08:00

So now I'm back at home after driving for 12 hours in a car with five other people - oh it was so much fun! A new group has been formed, called the Ladies Fellowship....when we got to Joanna's house, we realized that all of our gifts were going to be put to use. Marcia was put in charge of the kitchen and getting all of the meat and cheese cut up, Lori was to be the maid of honor, Kendra was our techie computer whiz, I got to decorate (which I had so much fun doing), Robyn was there supporting all of us in our endeavors and helping out everywhere, Melissa was the photographer and piano player - and Joanna and Tony got married. Oh it was so good, at first I wasn't really sure if I wanted to go, but wow did I ever have fun!

Being there in Assiniboia and seeing Joanna's church in action was really neat too. They have a small community of believers, but they are all so close in there fellowship, I think it would be neat if more churches had that closeness. I have also been challenged to dig deeper into the Word and find out what it really has to say about certain issues like baptism, the Trinity and salvation. But thank you Jesus that you are the giver of life and you guide us into all truth.

And oh yes, thank you so much for the snow, I think I'm going to make myself a snowball or two today, maybe a snowman in the park or a fort - yes that would be good. Have a great day.

To Joanna's house we go!

2005-01-13T13:16:00.000-08:00

So bright and early tomorrow morning I will pile into a car filled with six of us girls and we will be off to Assiniboia, Saskatchewan - to go to Joanna's wedding. Oh I am so excited to see her again, I can't believe that I haven't seen her in about a year and a half...honestly, she is one of the last people that I expected to not see in the years after I graduated - but oh well, God has a way of changing our plans and bringing us to places that we never before dreamed we'd go before, all if we let Him of course, and totally and completely surrender ourselves to Him - oh such a hard thing to do though. The thing that is so weird is that I actually know the guy that Joanna is getting married to - I went to school with him when I was in elementary school...so I actually know him. Once again, that is weird.

Anyway, I'm learning that it definitely requires grace to be there for people at all hours of the night, to talk to them when I feel like I have so much homework to do...to look at them through Jesus's eyes when I just want to get annoyed because looking at my situation from a completely human standpoint, I really do not have time to talk to them. But yeah, learning to live in the kingdom and not the world, like that verse in Philippians 2:4, 'Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.'

Ok so the weather outside is frightful, but the fire inside is delightful - are those even the words? I have no idea...but I do enjoy being outside when I'm walking with the wind and not against it - that much I know. So much easier to live when I start going along with God is asking me to do, and not putting up such a fight...surrender, yes, good word - now to live it out.

Native Studies

2005-01-10T20:22:00.000-08:00

It's so weird, all the courses that I take where I know I am going to be challenged and have to work so insanely hard in are the ones that I always think about dropping and then later they end up being the ones I remember the most, the ones I learn the most from. Native Studies is definitely one of those, just like Women's Studies was last semester. I just finished reading a whackload of pages all about the Residential Schools and oh my goodness did they make me almost cry so many times - why are we so brutal to other people who are just like us, made of skin and bones, and most importantly possessing a heart with the capacity to love and be loved...but yet there are and were those in places of authority who used their power to abuse and administer unneccessary punishment rather than encourage and teach children how to live in a 'civilized world.'

It makes me so sick to read about all the horrible things that Native children had to endure as a result of the government and church's joint decision to educate the 'savages' into people suitable for the new European 'civilized' world. The worst part is that the church had the power to stop this brutality, but they turned a deaf ear and ignored the reports of what was happening at the schools, even though they knew it was true. What kind of a message does that send to the children who went to those schools...probably not a message of a God who loves them so much that He gave His only Son to die for them...

Oh Jesus would you please heal and restore this generation of people who have been so hurt by those who committed horrendous acts in your name and in the name of the church. Would you soften their hearts and surround them with people who actually love them with your love, people who will walk through life alongside them and reveal to them who You really are - most of all Jesus, would you let them know they are and can be free from their past, from addictions and from whatever chains are holding them captive. Just like in Isaish 61, would you set the captives free and proclaim peace to those who are torn by bitterness inside.

Oh God would you heal and restore our nation, I pray for peace and restoration between the different cultural groups that exist in Canada, would you revive us from our place of complacency and mediocrity - Jesus would you wake us up from our spiritual lethargy. God I thank you for sending your Spirit, may we truly turn from our sins and repent of our sins (2 Chronicles 7:14), purify us oh Jesus as gold refined in the fire...that we may live, like really live and walk in your kingdom everyday.

Oh that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him! (Hosea 6:3)

Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near. Let the people turn from thier wicked deeds. Let them banish from their minds the very thought of doing wrong! Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. (Isaiah 55:6-7)

The Star

2005-01-09T17:30:00.000-08:00

So I was reading in Matthew 2 the other day, and I realized that the wise man followed the star to the stable in Bethlehem where Jesus was born - like the star actually moved! Wow that is so neat, can you imagine just riding on your camel one day and all of a sudden you see this super bright star just blinking at you, waiting for you to abandon your common sense and just trust its guiding light? And then that star would lead you to the manger of the One who took the sin of the entire world upone Himself - wow once again. That is so huge, kind of like how God led the Israelites in a pillar of fire and a pillar of cloud when they were fleeing from Pharoah - once again, God led them. Wasn't there another time when God led His people by guiding them in a moving earthly object? I can't think of it right now...

Anyway, my friend bought me this amazing cactus the yesterday for my Christmas present, and it's even in a desert looking container with a sunset on it! Actually, there's a tall cucumber looking cactus, and a smaller green pepper looking one, and then a pokey little pinecone looking one with a red flower thing on top of it. So does anyone have any good names that I could bestow on these fine looking cacti?! Yeah so I used to have a cactus when I was younger, but it died because I didn't water it enough - kind of a scary thought I know! Oh well, I'll water this one more often...I just remembered that I heard someone saying they ate cactus one day, must have been a weird taste - that is now going on my list of 100 things I want to do before I die.

Have a great day and God bless you so much, may you realize and walk in His presence every moment of every day.

Windchill!

2005-01-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

So I was going to go for a walk this morning, but then I found out that with windchill it's about -39 outside, so I decided that going shopping with my mom would be a great alternative - walking indoors! Yeah, I remember last year when I was in Master's Commission, and I had to go on the bus for about 2 hours a day, and then I would have to transfer at Polo Park - so instead of freezing in the bus shelters, I would walk in the mall till my bus came. Oh yes, and I would talk to people, like grandma and grandpa people who would go to the mall everyday just to walk and get their exercise...and maybe do some window shopping!

But anyway, I actually wrote out my New Year's Resolutions yesterday, and I'm actually pretty pumped about keeping them. So my first one was to pray, I've finally been really realizing that hey, nothing really gets done without prayer...you can't have revival without prayer, can't become a Christian without prayer, you find God's direction, will and purpose for life through prayer...so many things, people are healed through prayer, raised from the dead, encouraged, lifted up, relationship is totally built through prayer, it draws people so much closer together when we actually open up and are real enough with each other to let others pray for us, and to pray for others ourselves. Prayer is really neat, because through it the Holy Spirit can speak through us into other people's lives, even if I might now know why in the world I'm praying this for that specific person, God knows, and He can use my words, your words to speak into other's lives and encourage them.

So anyway, that was number one, and that was the most important one on my list for this year, others are eating more healthily (is that a word?!) because I realized that if I don't start making changes in my life, like living a life of prayer, changing my eating habits, and exercising everyday, that kind of thing, when will I ever change them? When I was younger, I would just live my life and I'd be thinking, yeah when I'm older and graduated, then I'll be a missionary, then I'll read my Bible more, then I'll pray more - but hey, no! It has to start right now, living by the Spirit, like it talks about in Galatians 5:16-26, Right now I need to start everyday living my life only and all for God, like yesterday I was reading in Matthew 10, where Jesus is teaching His disciples and telling them that they will be persecuted, but that His strength is sufficient, so much good stuff in that chapter, but reading the Bible, actually reading it and allowing it to change my life and challenge me, wow that is powerful stuff. I would love to just walk around my house and read it out loud, then things become more real to me because then I can actually hear it. I wonder what would happen if someone just read scripture during the service at church one Sunday, in different translations...that always strikes me because so often I read stuff and forget what I read. But yeah, onto shopping, my mom and I are about to go grocery shopping, my new favorite hobby!

So have a super day and remember Matthew 10:29-31, "Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows."

January 1!

2005-01-01T19:11:00.001-08:00

Well, I figured that I should probably get one more blog in before the year 2005, but then I realized that hey, today is already January 1...yeah so I'm tired! But anyway, I had the craziest experience on Thursday, the beginning of the story. My brother Zach and I went to Superstore to buy some groceries, and on our way back home I got stuck in the snow for the first time in my life, and this other lady helped me push our car out of the snow, thank you Jesus for that...and then on Grandeur I was driving and I couldn't see anything out of my windows, like nothing, so I made Zach stick his head out of the window to tell me if I was going to crash or drive into the ditch, wow that has never before happened to me - once again, thank you so much Jesus for your protection.

So New Year's Day huh? Well as for New Year's Resolutions...I still have to come up with those, if I do them at all. But I really do think it's neat that with God everyday can be like a New Year's Day, since every day is new with God, every moment and hour we can be forgiven, start a clean slate and live once more a life controlled by the Holy Spirit, surrendering all of ourselves to Him. Thank you Jesus, you alone are holy and worthy of honor and glory. Amen.

Peppernuts

2004-12-30T13:12:00.000-08:00

Hmmm, it's raining ice and I am eating peppernuts - wow those are so good, and the dough is even better! Anyway, I've been home now for eight days and it's so nice. I got a camera for Christmas, which I am really excited about since mine broke last February, so I have been photo deprived.

But yeah I'm listening to this song that talks about life and how we try to fill our lives with material things like a car, nice house, fame, money...etc, but yet they don't fulfill us, and in the end it's only God who can complete us. Yeah so definitely something for me to work on that's for sure, sometimes it's hard not to get caught up in the world and what it values, part of being in the world but not of it, I guess. If we're living for Jesus, then we're foreigners, strangers on this earth anyway huh? Now to live that out...here we go! You are entering the mission field now.

Home on the Range!

2004-12-22T19:46:00.000-08:00

So I just found out that the words to the song, "Home on the Range" are different from what I imagined in my head...

Oh, give me a home

Where the buffalo roam

Where the deer and the antelope play'

Where seldom is heard

A discouraging word,

And the sky is not cloudy all day.

Yeah I thought the words were:

Home, home on the range,

Where the deer and antelope grange!

Anyway, I used to sing that song while I was jumping on our trampoline in the backyard - ok away from the memories, I'm home! Today was my last exam, which was Anatomy (I found out yesterday while my roommate was studying for business that I am so glad I'm not in business, made me realize how glad I was to be in Anatomy...) So yes, today was definitely a happy day, and I got to play piano again, and eat pizza for my celebration supper, thank you Jesus for giving me the strength to get through all this.

I was reading in Hosea 6 today and yesterday, very cool book. Oh my goodness, I can't believe that God asked Hosea to marry a prostitute, and he did - that is so huge, radical obedience. I want that - radical obedience, that I would for real be willing to do whatever God asked of me, no matter where or what - so easy to write, I know, but I really do want to be able to obey Jesus every second of every day, even if it means piping up in a conversation with someone and telling them about Jesus and His love for them, yeah especially then. So anyway, remember to see the beauty of now, to live in the present and wherever you are, to be all there. Jesus was. Something I definitely to learn more and more everyday - yup, the adventure.

Circles

2004-12-16T14:17:00.000-08:00

Guess what I did today? That's right, I walked around and around in circles, each of which took me about 45 minutes. See, the park that I always go walking in while I study takes about 45 minutes for me to go around once, and yes, the perimeter walk of the park does go in a circle. And oh my do I ever laugh at those little chipmunks! They look so funny when they decide to scold me for walking through their territory - as if I would steal all their nuts that they have stored up for winter somewhere! Did you know that after a chipmunk scolds you, they make some very high pitched squeaks? Sure reminds me of the chipmunk language they learned on 'The Emperor's New Groove!'

Anyway yes, today I also read the book of Jude - probably the first time I've read it in the New Living version, and wow did that ever make me think. In Jude 5 it says, "I must remind you - and you know it well - that even though the Lord rescued the whole nation of Israel from Egypt, he later destroyed every one of those who did not remain faithful." So that verse just made me think once again about that whole debate with the 'once saved, always saved' issue. I had never really made the connection before, like yeah, the Lord did rescue the whole entire nation of Israel, but all those who did not remain faithful were destroyed...wow, am I faithful to my Lord?

A caterpillar in my green pepper?!

2004-12-15T10:55:00.000-08:00

So yesterday as I was getting ready to come back to the city, I decided to cut my very nice looking green pepper in half so that I could give half to my mom...imagine my shock when all of a sudden a caterpillar falls out and lands on my counter, oh yes, I was quite shocked! This caterpillar had made his home in my green pepper, hmm, can't say I would choose a green pepper for a home, but they sure do taste yummy! Anyway, I made my brother check out that green pepper because me and bugs aren't such great friends anymore.

I have been reading some interesting things in the devotional by Oswald Chambers entitled, "My Utmost for His Highest." Right now I'm on October 19, which is called 'The Unheeded Secret.' It was talking, about how we place so much emphasis on practical work and ministry in the church today, with endless activities and energies, but there is no private life with God. Chambers says that an active Christian worker too often lives to be seen by others, while it is the innermost, personal area that reveals the power of a person's life.

This being rooted and grounded in the Lord which comes from a private life with God is so important because then when hard times come in life, we will not snap, but instead remain firm - even though the private life with God is often seen as impractical. Yeah, so I definitely needed to hear that, because for most of my life I have been involved in many 'good' ministry things that required a lot of energy, not leaving very much time for my private life with God. I guess it goes to show me once again that the things people and world value are entirely different from what God values - the Upside-down Kingdom effect huh? So now the challenge for me is to continually bring Jesus into my life at all times, whether in school, doing homework, when I'm around people or when I'm alone, may my life be all for you Jesus, grounded in You and not in my ministry.

Times at Home

2004-12-12T16:56:00.000-08:00

Ok so I have been home in Winkler now for about four days, and I have not done nearly as much studying as I wanted to - but I'm having so much fun! Let's take a moment to recount all of the events I have been apart of shall we? (wow that was one weird sentence!) Anyway, I baked granola and cookies, went to an Alcoholics Anonymous banquet with my friend, danced for the first time in my life with a boy (it was the two-step to this really old-time country twangy band!), went to Holland, MB, for the first time in my life, was my sister's sponsor for her baptism, which meant that I had to stand up in the front of the church and talk. Then I went walking in the bitter cold and got asked by a boy if I needed a ride, and I had to try and explain to him that I was putting myself through the torture of chilliness because the only way I can study for Anatomy is by walking outside!

That's about all that I have done at home so far - oh yeah, and our cat named Moses got sick, we think he ate some poison, and he didn't eat for four days or drink any water, so I had to pretend to be the nurse and I gave him some through an eyedropper, and then I prayed for him, and we also took him to the vet, and now he's getting better! Thank you Jesus!

So yeah today I would recommend to anyone to read Exodus 8:1-15, just made me think about the things in my life that are trials, things that make me uncomfortable, things that I ask God to take away - and then when he does I harden my heart again and forget what life was like with those things in my life, kind of like I get desentized to the Holy Spirit, which I so do not want...please soften my heart more and more Jesus.

Squirrels playing tag!

2004-12-06T16:22:00.000-08:00

So today I went walking in my park again to study for Psychology - and wow do I ever enjoy this snow! It makes everything so beautiful and the trees look so pretty with snow on them, especiallly the evergreens...anyway thank you Jesus so much that this snow is dry and not wet, since otherwise my psychology notes sure would have been very soaked!

And as I was walking I saw this really fat squirrel being chased by a smaller one, it looked like they were playing tag because they would run from tree to tree chasing each other - oh so funny! Then there was also this dog who decided that I would be a good person to bark at, and his owner said that he was a very good guard dog and had never before seen someone reading as they walk, which is why he barked at me...so I guess it's not that normal to read and walk at the same time huh?!

Anyway today was my last day of Women's Studies, and we were talking about racism and how it can be stopped in our society - and eventually came to the conclusion that knowledge about other cultures and races prevents it to some extent, especially when people are exposed to other races at a young age. There is no real solution however, because even those groups who know a lot about each other still are racist towards each other. So I was thinking of this as I walked home, and I realized that racism exists because of our human nature, we're not perfect and it's in our nature to want to stay with people most similar to us and to exclude others and keep them in their place since they might seem like a threat to our security and identity.

I think that the answer to racism lies in Ephesians 4:24, which says, "Throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rotten through and through, full of lust and deception. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God's likeness - righteous, holy, and true." So without the new self, racism will just continue, we need to be made completely new in our thoughts and actions - such a huge challenge though.

Another challenge is living according to the 'Inverted Law,' which Pastor Mark from Church of the Rock preached about on Sunday...essentially it is to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. If I actually lived according to this every single moment of my life, wow, the world would sure be different - and I guess it can be, one person at a time. But he was saying how God would allow people in our life who are hard for us to love so that our character might be strengthened - yikes God, thank you for your strength to endure and to love!

Also, today after Women's Studies I kind of felt like I should go and talk to my prof, but I didn't really want to, so I just left. But with each step I kept thinking that I should turn around and go and talk to her. So I eventually did, and wow I am so glad - she asked me what my last name was and she's going to give me an extra credit for always coming to class! So yeah, learning to listen to God's voice, to the promting of the Holy Spirit - sometimes I sure make it more complicated than it needs to be, with faith like a child. Jesus, please teach me more and more to come to you as a child without any pride.

Veggie Burgers!

2004-12-04T11:40:00.000-08:00

So Jen bought me a veggie burger yesterday for $2, it was a fundraiser for graduate students - and it was so good. Wow, I never imagined that I would like it so much, it had so much flavor and yup, very yummy!

Yesterday I also had to play my trumpet in the worship band at Campus Crusade's Alive at Five...which was so scary since I had not played in about 2 years! We had our Christmas party afterwards, and went caroling around the neighborhood. Some people had very interesting reactions and shut their doors and turned off their lights when they heard us caroling in front of their house - I had never had that experience before; but some people also totally loved listening to us, so it was worth it.

After our caroling expreience, we made gingerbread houses out of graham wafers instead of actual gingerbread, lots of icing and candy - oh so much fun! Did you know that if you take a Hershey's kiss and make a hole in the bottom of it, then you can stick another Hershey's kiss into it and therefore create your very own chocolate tree?! It is also possible to stick a straight piece of candy-cane into a Hershey's kiss and make one of those signs that says North Pole on it! Yes, I do enjoy decorating things!

I was reading in Exodus 4 today, and Moses is so funny! God tells him to go and talk to Pharoah and gives him these supernatural abilities and signs by which the people will know that he really is from God, and then Moses insists on God getting his brother Aaron to speak for him because he doesn't believe that God can give him the words.

And then God says, "Who makes mouths?" the Lord asked him. "Who makes people so they can speak or not speak, hear or not hear, see or not see? Is it not I, the Lord?" (Exodus 4:11) This verse totally reminded me that God will give me the words to speak when I'm telling others about Him and that I don't need to worry, because after all, He is the one who created me and made my mouth!

It's Snowing!

2004-11-30T16:12:00.000-08:00

I discovered something new about myself - I actually really like the snow! It was snowing as I walked home today, and wow did it ever make me smile, even though it was slightly chilly. To me, the snow is like the sun, it gives me energy, makes me smile and points my thoughts to God. Some people get seasonal depression when the sun isn't there, but now the snow has become my sun so I don't need to get depressed - not that I would anyway, but yeah.

This weekend was so much fun, filled with only a little bit of homework and lots of people. I learned how to drive standard again, and I actually drove on a real road - oh how exciting! Then I went to my two Chinese friend's house for supper, and oh my goodness, so yummy with chopsticks! We had ground beef and egg plant, shrimp, tofu, boiled cabbage and green pepper with pork...and for dessert there was mashed potatoes with strawberry jam on top - sounds really gross but was actually super good! We all had bowls of rice with chopsticks, and then we all ate out of the same plates of food in the center of the table - so fun!

Anyway, on Sunday I went to Church of the Rock, and then went skating for the first time this summer - and I discovered the Skate Patrol! There are actually jobs for people who want to skate a whole bunch and patrol the ice, making sure everyone skates in the same direction and that no one gets hurt - sign me up, that's for sure!

As I was walking in my icy park again this morning, I was thinking about how if I just keep my eyes focused on Jesus, then I probably won't be as likely to give into temptation. It's once I take my eyes off of Him that I become focused on my sinful nature and then it's so easy to give in and sin...so yeah, that's what I need to do, obey what Jesus is asking me to do and be renewed daily, for the old life and nature has gone, and the new has come, but I have to choose to live in it. Hmmm, definitely a life-long thing I'm thinking, but with God, anything is possible!

Walks in the Park

2004-11-26T13:20:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I finally went walking again today, it's been about a week since I have actually walked in my park...I was going to study anatomy as I was walking, but then the trees and the river started distracting me, and so talking to God became much more interesting than anatomy!

Anyway, as I was walking I was thinking about why God created us in the first place, like human beings in general. And then I realized yeah, He wanted relationship with people, not to be alone...isn't that kind of like us? I don't like being alone, like alone permanently, and since we are created in the image of God and in His likeness, then we also possess some of His characteristics. And so that would make sense that we don't like being alone, and neither does God, we were created for relationship - that's why church and fellowship is so important huh? I have definitely realized how amazing fellowship can be, I go to Church of the Rock right now...and I have definitely learned about fellowship there.

Church is what makes me want to stay in the city on the weekends, it's so challenging too, to bring God and my relationship with Jesus into my everyday life. Not just to walk and talk with God, but that it flows from my life into the lives of others - not living in isolation I guess. One thing I read in Oswald Chambers stood out to me today, "the greatest need we have is not to do things, but to believe things." Hmm yeah, believing in what Jesus has already done for me on the cross by taking away my sin and actually living in His grace, by His strength alone and nothing of me (John 3:30).

Witnessing

2004-11-25T08:12:00.000-08:00

Well yesterday I went to Bible study in the evening and we were talking about evangelism, and how you can either be bold or pushy. Some might think that by just walking up to a random stranger and talking to them about God is being pushy since there was no relationship developed first.

But then again, it totally depends on the person who is witnessing and the person who is being talked to...some people are already searching and have heard of Jesus, and some people witnessing have the gift of evangelism whereas others are gifted at talking to people and walking with them through life, showing Jesus through their lifestyle - which is i guess where relationship with Jesus should always be lived out.

And then we were talking about how Jesus did it - and he used both methods of evangelism, except that he had the advantage of knowing everyone's heart. So with the woman at the well and with Zacchaeus (or however you spell that name), Jesus didn't develop a relationship with them first, but other times he did...and he always started the conversation with a question.

Anyway, definitely made me realize that I need to rely only on God and on His power and not my strength at all, because I don't know the hearts of the people I talk to, whereas the Holy Spirit does and He can prompt me to say certain things that correspond with that person's life. Relying on my own strength and words to say sure would not get me very far - I ask for wisdom and discernment Jesus.

Joy*Life

2004-11-24T16:17:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness! I just love Gospel Wednesdays...before I went sharing I was super tired, but after talking with Jen (staff with Campus Crusade for Christ) and this one girl who was really searching spiritually, I felt so energized and filled with joy. This is what has been missing from my life, like I know in church the pastor or whoever would always say that I should witness to my friends, and I did more with actions than with words I guess...the words part always kind of scared me.

Even last year when I was at Master's Commission and we would do street evangelism, I would always prefer to build a relationship first and then bring the conversation around to God and what they believe - but now I have been shown another way. That's the thing I think, I had never been shown how to do this, like to observe someone else sharing their faith, just always told that I should do it. And wow is it ever addicting, I'm realizing that it's actually not that hard to go up to someone and ask them what they believe and what their opinions are about spiritual issues.

Last Monday Jen and I met these two international students, one had just become a Christian through Gospel Wednesdays last week, and on Monday, Jen and I were sharing about Jesus with her roommate - and she also became a Christian - praise the Lord! It was so awesome, and now we get to do follow-up stuff and discipling with them, so exciting! So yeah, I remember these people at my church sharing about their mission trip, and they were saying that the one thing that had been missing from their life was sharing their faith - now I realize that was also true for me too...and so I'm definitely learning.

Learning that it's not me at all, all through God's grace, I am nothing without Him...and learning not to rely on my own strength and my own words, but only His, letting the Holy Spirit guide my words because sometimes the questions people ask are pretty crazy! Thank you Jesus for your gift and you life that now lives on in us - may I be your hands and feet today.

Jam time!

2004-11-18T07:41:00.000-08:00

If there is one thing I am learning these days, it's that my faith grows so much when I have to share it with other people. Yesterday was Gospel Wednesday again, and one of my friends and I talked to this one lady for almost an hour. She knew a lot about Jesus already, but thought there were a lot of contradictions in the Bible...and some of her questions made me wish I could remember all those neat facts about how even thought the Bible has been translated so many times, there are not many errors.

Today is our first 'Jam' time with Campus Crusade for Christ. A bunch of people are getting together and we're just going to worship and play our instruments, hang out and sing. I brought my mom's keyboard from home this weekend, but it's been so long since I've played. I kind of thought that after Master's Commission (an intense discipleship training school) which I did last year, I wouldn't have the chance to play in a worship team again - I was wrong...I guess God has a way of surprising us huh? So anyway, may all I do today be only for your glory Jesus.

Life

2004-11-16T15:29:00.000-08:00

I went for a walk today after school, as I always do (or usually do!), except today it was to study for my computer quiz tomorrow. Usually I am studying for anantomy with my red duotang, so the people who usually see me walking with the red duotang must have been pretty confused - computer is pink! Anyway, there was the most amazing sunset today, I had forgotten that sunsets are so beautiful, even in winter - but then again, I guess it's not really winter yet either. Oh well, still was quite pretty!

And then I got caught in the dark since I was too busy 'studying' (aka, studying the sunset!), that I lost track of time and did another round of the park. So there I was, walking in the dark and I couldn't read my computer notes very well by the light of the streetlights. By the way, there is this one streetlight that either turns on or off every time I walk by it. Anyway, I was thinking about what the Christian life should be characterized by.

That verse in John 10:10 says that Jesus came to give life more abundantly. And then I was wondering what that would exactly look like. So I was reminded of Romans 8 where it talks about how we're supposed to live with the Holy Spirit controlling us. And if He controls us, will we not also demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit in our own lives (Galatians 5:22-23). Going back to Romans 8, it says that the Holy Spirit inside us (if we have accepted Jesus into our lives) has made our spirits alive, and so we will live eternally.

So what is life? As John 14:6 says, Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. So Jesus is life, when I have Jesus I have life, I have the Holy Spirit inside of me who produces fruit in my life, and if I am led by the Spirit of God, then I am also a child of God (Romans 8:14). And if I am a child of God, I can call him my Father. True life = eternal life, forever. Okay so that's the Sunday school answer I guess, but when this makes its way from my head to my heart...life overflowing!

Confrontations

2004-11-12T22:45:00.000-08:00

Today I learned about being confrontational. It's not something that is on my list of favorite things to do, but I also learned that being honest with people is far better than just tolerating something that I know is wrong. I mean, Jesus was certainly confrontational when he overturned the money changers tables in the temple. He didn't care what people thought about him, didn't give in to peer pressure or to the cultural and societal norms of the time. Even how Jesus talked to the Samaratan woman at the well was totally going against the culture of the time since He was a Jew and a male, and she was a Samaratan and a female - two people that definitely did not hang out at the time.

Anyway, I was also reminded to hang onto the dreams that Jesus has given me, to ask myself everyday, "What have I done today that I believe in and that I am proud of?" Not proud in the way that I'm getting full of myself, but something that I can point to and say yes, that was good, a place in my life where I have grown or surrendered over to God. I was also reading in My Utmost for His Highest this morning, and he was talking about how instead of looking at every experience and saying, "What did I learn through this," instead realizing that God brings us through experiences to make us something, to develop our character. May my character be ever more fashioned after yours Jesus, make me your disciple - a disciple of the unashamed.

Gospel Wednesdays!

2004-11-11T11:51:00.000-08:00

Cheer for the end of midterms! Yeah, they are finally done - for the next four weeks anyway! But whatever, I don't have to worry about the future, instead learn to live so that I am all there in the present. Isn't that what Jesus did? Wherever He was, He was all there, no half-hearted committment or listening with only one ear to someone - such a hard thing to do sometimes.

So now there is this evangelism day through Campus Crusade for Christ at the University of Manitoba called 'Gospel Wednesdays.' Every hour people meet in front of Answers, and then pair up and walk around the campus and just talk to people about spiritual issues and ask their opinions about what they believe and who they think Jesus is. I did this for the first time yesterday and wow was is ever amazing! It totally makes my faith come alive and when I have to answer people's questions it makes me realize what I truly believe. I think that's what life is all about - building relationships...with God and then other people, introducing them to the relationship that they can have with Jesus if they choose.

Anyway, I found this verse in Mark 9:23 which is so neat, there is this father in the crowd who has a demon-possessed son and he asks Jesus to heal him if He can. And Jesus says, "What do you mean, 'If I can'?" Jesus asked. "Anything is possible if a person believes." Such a simple concept - anything is possible if a person believes - but yet so hard to live out and to not doubt. Faith like a child...

All right I must go and read all about nursing now, but peace to all of you who read this, may you truly feel the presence of Jesus in your life if you know Him, and if you don't know Him, I pray that He would be made real to you in your everyday life as well.

Run to meet Jesus.

Living in Grace

2004-11-04T20:54:00.002-08:00

Wow I have not written in a very long time...that's what midterms do to me. Anyway, one thing that I realized today is that I really like anatomy, I am learning so much by studying it, things are becoming so clear and now when I eat food or something, I envision the food travelling through my digestive system and the enzymes breaking it down and stuff - so funny!

Another thing I realized today is that I am nothing and Jesus is everything, or should be.
John 3:30 says, "He must become greater, I must become less. And Galatians 1:10 says, "Obviously, I'm not trying to be a people pleaser! No, I am trying to please God. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ's servant."

So that really impacted me today, everything I do is not on my own strength, all that I am is by God's grace. And what exactly is grace? I've heard it said that grace is something we receive that we don't deserve. Exactly. So every conversation I've had with people about God and everything I've ever done for Him is not on my own strength, but totally by His grace. Puts a lot of things in perspective for me, I am nothing, Christ is everything - use me for your glory Jesus.

October and Isaiah

2004-10-31T21:12:00.000-08:00

Alright so I figured that I had better blog one last time before the end of October 2004 - isn't it weird? This day will never come again, neither will this hour or even this moment in time, hmmm, trying to remember to see the beauty of now and not letting the future overwhelm me. The future does tend to make my mind spin when I think ahead to how many exams and assignments I have, but I finally realized this morning as I was in church that I can just focus on the present. Like when I'm at church, I can be fully there and fully focused on what's going on at that moment and not letting the future stress me out - learning to live in the present moment, if I only life for the future or remembering the past, then I never truly live at all, I only hope to live.

Anyway, tomorrow is my anatomy lab midterm and if any of you out there pray, could you please pray that I would remember what I need to know? So I'll be dreaming of muscle origins, insertions and actions in my sleep tonight! Do any of you know what an acetabulum is? It's where your femur (thigh bone) forms a joint with your os coxae - if that means any sense! So that's your anatomy lesson for today!

By the way, just wanted to mention that Isaiah 44:12-20 is absolutely hilarious! Well maybe not in the ha ha sort of way, but it totally demonstrates critical thinking in the Bible, or rather lack of it on the blacksmith's part. There's this blacksmith that goes and cuts down a tree in the forest and uses half of the tree to roast his supper over. With the other half of the tree he carves out an idol and worships it, which is so crazy because he never stops to reflect that he just burned half of that tree for his supper - and now he' s worshipping the other half of it...obviously it's just a dead chunk of wood! He can not bring himself to ask "Is this thing, this idol that I'm holding in my hand, a lie?"

Wow, that totally made me think, what am I putting before God, what am I worshipping, or rather, what or who do my actions say that I worship? I can say that I worship God above all else, but really, where do I spend the most of my time and devotion? School, friends, doing good things...how passionate am I actually about developing my relationship with Jesus and spending time just getting to know Him and be in His Presence? Yeah, super good question I'd say - gotta go and think about that one now...hmmm, to spend my time on the things that last for eternity, in this world but not of it. What does that all look like in my life?

The Beauty

2004-10-27T16:36:00.000-07:00

My Women's Studies class is very interesting...most people hate it and others tolerate it - I actually enjoy it. It makes me think critically and wow have I ever learned so many new things that I never knew before. Today we watched this movie from 1995 that was called Slim Hopes. It was all about how advertising has succeeded in making our culture obsessive about being thin. One fact that blew me away was that the number one wish of all adult women and teens surveyed was to change their weight.

So why is society like this? What is actually a healthy body devoid of any advertising influences? The movie said that only 5% of the population actually comes by the 'model' body naturally, and now they can create models via computers without even having a real human model present. Why do is our identity so centered on what we look like, why are our thoughts so consumed with the outward appearance?

I was asking myself why I wanted to be like that model, and I realized it was because she was beautiful, and why do I want to be beautiful? Isn't that the question that all women ask themselves - Am I beautiful? And I think it all relates to God and how He created us, if any of you have ever read Wild At Heart by John Eldridge, it talks about how God created women to be the beauty, whereas the question guys always ask is 'Am I a man.'

Am I beautiful - are you beautiful? In the eyes of God for sure, since He created you and I...but in our own eyes the response tends to be quite different. Beauty is fleeting...if it's only skin-deep anyway, eternal beauty, now that lasts forever!

Bubblegum

2004-10-20T14:02:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder what exactly they put in bubblegum? I know they have the ingredients on the back, but I still wonder if there is such as a gum tree and if people can actually just take some gum out of the tree and chew it. When I was in grade 11 I had to do a powerpoint presentation, and I chose to do it on the history of gum, so really I should know all the answers to my own questions. Anyway, I went to Superstore yesterday and bought some Bubblicious gum, and then I started thinking, what if I would blow a really big bubble and then take it out of my mouth and freeze it...would the bubble shatter later on if I touched it when it was frozen?

Last year I was in a discipleship program called Master's Commission which was through the church, Calvary Temple, which is in downtown Winnipeg. Anyway, I lived in Charleswood with a lady last year, the people we lived with were called Home Openers and they let us live in their houses for free and also provided us with food. So Charleswood is quite a ways away from Calvary Temple, so I got to ride the bus many minutes and hours out of my day. I never thought I would miss riding the bus though, but today I saw one and all the memories came back.

And I realized that a bus, just as with the rest of life is all what I make of it, what my perspective is...and seemingly negative things can actually turn out to be the best things in life - on the bus I ended up meeting this lady who I talked to everyday, and she even did my hair and make-up for grad because she used to be a hairdresser. Yeah, and has anyone else ever noticed that people look a lot more scary when they're not talking and just kind of staring off into space?

Music and Women

2004-10-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

I am learning so many new things in my Women's Studies class, things that I have never even thought of before. I have to watch a bunch of music videos for a group project and discuss how race, class, gender and sexuality are seen in the make-up of the videos. So now I see some of life in terms of the unequal power relation between men and women, I see patriarchy and its effects present in the music videos, the female diva singing and acting within this structure without seeming to notice she is caught in its trap.

So weird, I grew up in Winkler thinking all was pretty much ok with the world, only to realize how much I was sheltered from, which does not necessarily have to be a bad thing while growing up, since little kids are so easy to influence. But to live in total oblivion to issues the world is dealing with, on the verge of transition and redefining concepts and institutions that used to be so concrete and devoid of any challenge, like marriage...to live only seeing one side of things is something that I would never wish on anyone, only experiencing half of life.

Anyway, whether or not this made sense, I am finding out more and more that I have no idea who I am becoming or even who I was - but I sure am glad that I don't have to be in control of my own life because then it's like hello stress...I give it to you Jesus, this life is all for you anyway!

Raisens and early mornings

2004-10-17T01:30:00.000-07:00

Well my roommate and I just finished making and eating some delicious oatmeal raisen cookies - actually, she wouldn't say they were that good since raisens aren't high on her list of favorite foods. For me, however, I totally enjoy baking super late at night, or early in the morning for that matter, like 2:30am...whatever works! Do any of you stay up late baking - it's my relaxer!

I am finally starting to realize how much I have been learning since I started University, even if I don't get into nursing next year, everything that I have already learned will have been worth it. The boxes that used to contain my thoughts about controversial topics and what the global world is have been burst open and now I am starting to see things in a different way, I guess this whole thing of learning how to think critically - I haven't really done much of that during my life. Yeah life is definitely a journey and I'm so glad that we're not expected to know everything all at once, that learning is a life-long process. And it's not even learning that's the main deal, it's the experience that goes along with it. A person can experience something so much more fully if they know something about it first, ex. you can experience and appreciate something found in a museum so much more if you know the story behind it.

Anyway, if any of you are taking women's studies - wow what a course to open up my thinking and understanding of the world as it really it. I guess I have grown up kind of sheltered in Winkler, for those of you who don't know about Winkler, it's a traditional Mennonite city that doesn't allow alcohol or dancing...which doesn't really matter that much I guess, all depends on who you are and what you want out of life. So keep it real and remember, don't despise the flowers because they are common.

New Distractions

2004-10-12T19:06:00.000-07:00

ahhhh i sure do not have time to write in these blog things but my roomie jen (her blog is at www.genevievesplace.blogspot.com) and uh huh she set me up with this thing but i'm supposed to be doing my homework right now and she is trying to distract me...maybe i should just go and eat some cookie dough, that solves many things, or peanut butter...so i'll talk to you later, remember to see the beauty of now!